I was born the way I was. I had not formed correctly in the womb, so I was born defected, with no left hip joint, but after I was born, there were some things I just did, things that have been part of me since birth, and I am still influenced by those things.
These are two pictures taken when I was around five. I was in the middle of being destroyed by my father and Pam at this very time, but the basic part of me, the part of me that still somehow survives, was there, and is evident in these photos my mom took. These are photos of me and my baby sister, as I watched a caterpillar crawl across the cement in our trailer-park carport. At one point, I grab my sister's wrist, to keep her from touching and perhaps harming the caterpillar, because I wanted the caterpillar to safely make its crossing to the other side of the carport. This is my heart, my soul, every bit of me, caught in a moment when adult humans were horrendously harming me.
I have only ever wanted to figure out how to do the right thing, so I can not be seen as bad, so I can join the campfire, so I can deserve to be hugged and loved.
I am learning to somehow get beyond all of that, now. I am way too ruined to be a part of family, or neighborhood, or society. But I will always be a part of the universe, and I will always help any critter I can, just as I did in these photos from my childhood. Because that's me.
