X-rays

I have had hundreds of X-rays since I was 5 months old, most of them of my pelvis and left hip.  One of my first memories, which I flash on every time I am under one, is how the X-ray beam area looks up there above me as I lay on the table.  The thunk of the heavy film slab being slid into the table under my hip is as familiar as the sound of the wind.  Every Rorschach Ink Blot I have ever seen looks like a pelvic X-ray to me.  I am thankful I was born at a time when there was a way to relatively unobtrusively peer inside the human body. 

My last couple of blog posts are rather short.  I want to finish this challenge, but in order to do so, I have to stick with just a short amount of words, because I am dealing with a lot right now.  After I mull over stuff, I usually like to write about it, so perhaps, in a few weeks, I will re-approach this blog and write about the things I am mulling over right now.  Until then, I must apologize for the weak and simple blogs.

Walking in the sand

My friend has been posting wonderful pictures of Kauai.  This past weekend has been rather emotional for me.  I am unable to write.  So I will post a couple of pictures of sand I once walked in, a lifetime ago...

"M" is for Muse, and Mary

"O muse!
Sing in me, and through me tell the story"
Ethan Coen and Joel Coen


I have spent a lifetime letting my muse hand me words to put on paper.  The only time I ever tried to be disciplined about writing was when I took some college writing courses a few years back, and even then, my muse took in the assignments, let ideas simmer, then handed me the words I needed before they were due.  This A-Z blogging challenge is the first time I have committed to writing something on a daily basis, without waiting to see if I would be getting the words from my muse.
I was discussing this in a facebook message with my wonderful friend, Mary (the one who inspired me to take this A-Z challenge!),  and here is the quote of what I shared with her about how I am experiencing all of this:

"The idea of a daily blog is completely new to me, and I can sense my own timidness in the uncomplicated posts I make, but I have a very weird relationship with my muse, and this is stretching it a bit. Normally, I only write when the inspiration slams me, and it is usually a poem, although a short story can also hit me. It sounds rather crazy to say this, but it is like most of these blog posts are just me writing, without the help of my muse. It almost feels like my muse is off, pouting in a corner, angry that I am using some discipline in my writing (except for the poem for my grandson, which was one of those moments where I get slammed with a piece at once, write it down, and usually don't even have to edit) This is a good exercise for me. Yesterday, as I did my blog about kindness, it almost felt like my muse was peeking over at me, thinking 'hmmm, she is really going through with this without me.'  Maybe, by the end of the month, we will be working together again."

I'm not much of a disciplinarian.  My kids and pets can attest to this.  I have no desire to make others do my bidding like a puppet master, and I do not understand the need I see in many people to control aspects of others' lives.  So it feels a bit uncomfortable to imagine getting disciplined about writing, because I cannot imagine expecting my muse to "write" when I say so.  We will see how this all works out as we head on thru to Z.  Who knows, maybe I will start to keep a daily journal after this challenge is over.
This is a very interesting challenge, and I am thankful to Mary, and my muse.

Little Dancer

I wrote this awhile back.

Little Dancer
by
Judy S. Lentz

Inside of me
the whispery
sounds of a tiny dancer
flitting across a wood floor
drizzled in sun-honey
The stick figure floats
amid dust motes
grinning
spinning
around in my attic
She has been given
permission to be
me

"F" is for Fix 'em

I work as a veterinary assistant for cat spay/neuter clinics.  It is amazing to me how many people do not know why it is important to have their cats and dogs fixed.  I drive my facebook friends nuts by posting about spay/neuter issues a lot.  I feel such a sense of relief for every cat and dog that is fixed.  When I see people purposely breed their pets, it makes my heart hurt for the stray cats and dogs I see at the clinics.  I know that these people who let their own pets breed do not see the big picture.  If they spent some time in their local shelters, and could see the animals in need of homes every day, I know they would fix their own pets, and tell their friends that instead of waiting for a kitten or puppy from their own litter, why don't they go to their local shelter and adopt.  People need to know the truth about the numbers of animals currently in need of homes.  So, I keep saying it, in the hopes that the folks who know me will start to understand the big picture.  Please get your pets fixed.  It is one of the biggest differences you can make in this world, now, and for the future.  Thank you =^..^=

Expecto Patronum

I love all things Harry Potter. 
From the moment my kids introduced me to the  first book, before the movies had even come out, I was a huge fan.  When I first heard the movies were going to be made, I already knew Alan Rickman should play Snape, and I knew Snape was not evil by the end of the 3rd book.  I'm still sad that Richard Harris did not make it through all 8 movies, and sadder still that Peter O'Toole was not chosen to play Dumbledore after Harris died.  I loved every moment of waiting for the release of each new book, and the joy of reading them took me straight back to the joy I felt reading the Narnia Chronicles when I was a child.  My daughter recently expressed sadness that her new nephew would grow up in a world where the end of the Potter books is simply common knowledge.   I understood.  She and her brothers grew up in a world where little kids spoke the words "Luke, I am your father" into spinning fan blades, unaware that my generation could never have known that phrase was going to exist.
One of my favorite scenes in the Potter movies is when Professor McGonagall casts the Ferreverto spell.  She makes the word sound musical, magical.  I love so many of the spells taught at Hogwarts.  My favorite spell of all is Expecto Patronum.
I am a cat person.  I currently have 8 cats.  I slept with a cat in my crib, and have had many cats in my life since I was a newborn.  I work as a veterinary assistant for cat spay/neuter clinics.  I'm a crazy cat lady.  But if I was to cast the Expecto Patronum spell with a real magical wand, my patronus would not be a cat.
When I was a child, I dreaded long trips.  My father did not tolerate a child having or expressing any needs (or even showing any signs of existence) on long road trips.  The need to pee, or puke from car-sickness, had to be held in, completely.  So, on long road trips, I would look out the car window to distract myself.  One day, when I was about 3 or 4, while we drove through the Columbia Gorge in Oregon, I saw a dark shadow appear, running alongside our car.  It was a great big beast, a shadow horse, and if I listened closely, I could hear its thundering hooves.  From then on, that horse always came to me on our trips through the Gorge.  It was never there on our long trips anywhere else. 
When I was about 9, the shadow horse disappeared, but it was not the last time I would see it.  A few years ago, someone told me about the Mount Adams horse, a large horse-shaped area on the east-facing side of the mountain, which happens to be very near the Columbia Gorge.  One day, as I drove west on Interstate 82, I looked up toward Mt. Adams, and there it was, the horse who thundered beside me on all of those long trips in my childhood.
If I ever find a wand from Hogwarts, I will lift it up, and when I say "Expecto Patronum," I know a shadow horse will appear.

"D" is for Deserve

The idea that people get what they deserve is very popular.  I see it in memes all of the time, and people say it a lot, especially when something negative is happening to someone else.  "What goes around comes around."  "You reap what you sow."  "Karma has no menu.  You get served what you deserve."  We've all heard, and said, these things.  Quips like this wrap stuff up neatly, and distance us from the pain others are experiencing.  But are they true?  Not in my experience.
I have seen some of the kindest folks go through horrible experiences, and some of the cruelest folks I know have had an awful lot of what society would call "good luck."  Break it down even further, some of the kindest folks I know have, at various stages in their life, done some cruel things, and even the cruelest people can be kind from time to time. 
Then there are the definitions of good and bad behavior.  The phlebotomist can seem cruel to the sick child they are drawing blood from, and the unsuspecting person from the Western side of the United States might actually think the person from the Southern side is being kind when they say "Well, bless your heart, honey."  Everything is relative.
I like the idea of Karma.  I like to believe it all balances out in the end.  But I do not believe people get what they deserve on a daily basis.  We all just get the hands that life dealt us.  As Will Munny said in Unforgiven, "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it."

"C" is for Care

"C" is for Care.
Yesterday, I went to my physical therapy appointment.  (The short version of why I need PT is as follows:  I was born with profound Congenital Hip Dysplasia, left side only, a IV on the Crowe scale.  Surgeries in childhood got me into adulthood.  Hip deteriorated.  I received total hip replacement in 2008.  Because of the deformities present in my pelvis and femur on the left side, I struggle daily with issues relating to this, even after the replacement.)  The place where I go for PT is affiliated with a hospital where I have experienced some of the worst care I could imagine.  The nightmare that place put me through for years is not something I am willing to post about here this evening, so let's just say their services suck.  When I started PT at their rehab services, I was a bit apprehensive. 
The past few days, I have been experiencing some severe pain that was not the normal chronic aches I have around my hip joint.  It was so bad, I almost cancelled my PT appointment, because I did not want to ride the recumbent cycle, or work my legs on the shuttle machine, or hobble my ankles with what feels like giant pieces of balloon and walk sideways across the room while holding ski poles, all activities I actually enjoy on my better days, but did not look forward to doing while in this intense pain.  A small part of me thought that perhaps my physical therapist would be able to give me some pointers on how to relieve my pain, but the rest of me figured I would not be believed, and would be treated poorly, as the majority of the healthcare professionals at this healthcare establishment have treated me for the past two decades.
I went in, and I am so glad I did.  My therapist, a young man who looks so much like Kevin Bacon that I cannot ever remember his real name, listened to me, knew right away what was causing the pain I was experiencing (my SI joint), and set about trying to help ease my pain.  By the end of the visit, my pain was noticeably diminished, and I had a couple of stretches to do at home to help out, including an interesting thing where I stand up facing a wall, flush against it, place a pillow between my left leg and the wall, and stretch the correct muscles by trying to lift my left knee, a move that reminded me of trying to knee someone in the groin. 
As I left PT, I looked down at the instructions for the new stretches that my therapist had written on stationery with the name of the healthcare place I have come to loathe on it, and for the first time, I felt like the words "...legacy of care" were not the biggest load of crap I had ever seen.  I'm not sure if physical therapists take an oath to care, but yesterday, this one cared.  He could teach a lot to some doctors I know.

Año

I sat down to write my first blog, and this is what came out.  I hope a poem is okay for day one of A-Z.  Tomorrow I will try to write something in more of a "blog" format, whatever that may be.
My first grandchild turned one today.  This is for him.

Año
by
Judy S. Lentz 

We step outside
into the wind
You gasp as
it takes your breath away
Three-hundred sixty-five days
A full trip around the Sun
and now you're one
A year of smiles
sitting, crawling
dancing, singing songs
Your tiny hand, once clutching
swaddled blankets
now reaches up to grasp mine
Time flies past me
and takes my breath away