Huh? Really?

Today's WTF Podcast guest is Tom Papa. At one point during their conversation, Marc Maron takes time to again repeat a false narrative he came up with years ago to try and deflect from and camouflage his predatory behavior. He poses a narrative that attempts to paint himself as a potential victim in danger of being hurt. Here are these two little scenarios, the first from today's podcast, the second from a special he performed eleven years ago:

These two sad little scenarios Maron poses are not at all what he will ever go thru. Because he does not feel anything for these girls that resembles love. He sexually exploits sexually abused girls. They end up more suicidal, and using more alcohol or drugs, after he is done with them.

Even though Mr. Maron knows how so many of his past victims have been harmed by his predatory behavior, he keeps choosing to do it over and over again. He felt nothing for the girl with the gun. If I had not spoken up here on April 26, he would not give a shit what might've happened to her. He was done exploiting her.  That was all he cared about.  Nothing he feels for female victims of child sexual abuse is decent or kind. If he did actually care about sexually abused children, he would never groom teen girls. He would know the last thing they need is to be interacting with predatory old men. There is no concern or compassion or decency in how he views damaged girls young enough to be his granddaughters. 

Last fall, one of Maron's current victims tried to tell one of his past victims that Maron loved her, that she was special to him. The past victim told her how Maron had said similar shit to her, and this escalated the crisis of the current victim. She had trusted a man who feels nothing but lecherous desire to sexually re-exploit young girls. This reality is devastating for these girls to have to realize. It leaves them much more broken, less likely to ever heal. Maron doesn't care. To tell a sad little story about some old man being hurt by some young girl who leaves him, as if it might be in Maron's future, is bullshit.  Love is incapable of existing in the sexual offenses Maron is thinking of as he continues grooming mentally compromised sexual abuse victims.  When he looks at pics sent by underage fans, that isn't love he is feeling. 

An Ally

 This is what a real ally for feminism sounds like:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8rJt9aV/

This is an ally, speaking the truth. This truth exposes exactly what men like Marc Maron are really doing.

All Ages

This is from Marc Maron's latest tiktok post, advertising for his upcoming shows, where his latest material has included Maron talking about his genitalia, excusing his 30 plus years of dating teens, and discussing child sexual abuse, among other adult subjects. During his last tour, and every tour before that, this man played to adult audiences only. Now, all ages are allowed in to see this predator. Children on tiktok are being publicly groomed by this man. WTF is wrong with those allowing this to happen? WTF is wrong with this man? He is purposely choosing to endanger at-risk sexualized little girls. He knows exactly what he is doing, and he knows I am speaking up for these girls like I once was. But he does it anyway, because he knows no one gave a shit about me at 13, and no one gives a shit about the mentally compromised little girls he is grooming today.  He does this because he can.  No one is going to stop him.

 

A question regarding feminism: whose voice matters?

Feminism has experienced waves, each new wave necessary in order to be more inclusive.  In the midst of every new wave, there is one group that keeps drowning. This group needs to finally be helped, not swept under, yet again. 

Old male predators like Marc Maron are the ones guiding what happens to sexualized female children. If older adults were allowed more and more to start getting teens drunk, and the teens were blamed for drinking alcohol given to them by such adults, this would not be tolerated. Such old adults exposing teens to alcohol would never be allowed to speak at recovery groups, or be seen as honored member of groups like MADD.  Only when it comes to sex, are old male predators ever able to be held up as allies of feminism.  This is the newest wave of patriarchy, making sure to keep their power to fuck female children, and keep such children from escaping the re-exploitation cycle that ensures old men like Maron can have a constant supply of young victims.

Marc Maron's voice should be used as an example of the current problem we face in this patriarchy.   Women like Brooke Shields, and Alexandra Wentworth, are examples of the voices that matter in regards to this issue.  Not some 60 yr-old man who fucked a girl with BPD from CSA, with suicidal ideation and a gun.  A girl young enough to be his granddaughter.

If feminism does not ever get this specific issue right, young females will keep self-harming and killing themselves in greater and greater numbers. There is nothing natural or healthy or balanced in letting sexually abused female children be fucked by old men over and over. Any old man doing this is a predator, not an ally.

I hope someday, some wave of feminism will finally look deeper into this issue of afab children who experience sexual abuse, being constantly re-exploited by old men.  Girls are literally going to keep dying in rising numbers, whether because they are covered in burqas, or covered in sexualization. Old men cause both sides of this patriarchal coin.

 Feminism needs to dump predatory old men as "heroes" and "allies."  They are the problem. Sexualized little children sending Mr. Maron pics of Mr. Snake today, do not get any help when Maron is held up as an ally to women.  He will interact with them in DM's.  He will groom them.  He will fuck them at whatever legal age he can.  And then leave them in even worse mental condition.  Their minds are being destroyed, all as Maron is featured by feminism as a "good" man, an "ally."  Please go back thru my last few blog posts here, and listen to this man's past and present words.  This man's words and behavior since 1989 have been publicly predatory.  This man flashed a girl on set last year.  He is not an ally.  He is the face of the new patriarchy.  

My voice should matter.  Not his.  In this one issue, my voice is the voice that matters.  Maron's words and behavior are clear.  My words come straight from a heart destroyed by men like Maron.  As a 57 yr-old female who experienced CSA and child trafficking, as well as being used for child porn, I have 55 years of knowledge and experience in this area. I know what I am writing about.  My voice here is the voice every feminism wave keeps crashing over.  Children like I was keep ending up buried in the ocean floor.  Silenced.

Marc Maron, unapologetic

Marc Maron has been chasing, grooming, and having sex with young girls for over 30 years. (See video link below.) As of this following interview, he has never apologized, or even felt like his damaging behavior is wrong:

---Hadley Freeman

Saturday 16, June 2018

On his podcast, Maron has been excellent at calling comedians out for unacceptable behaviour. He has confronted people about joke-stealing and taken others to task for homophobia. So I wonder if he regrets any of his own past jokes. In 1999, he appeared on David Letterman and said he knew he was getting older when teenage girls stopped looking at him as a sexual being. “Don’t misunderstand: I’m not saying I want to have sex with teenage girls… I’m lying: of course I want to have sex with teenage girls. Come on, doesn’t everyone? That’s why there’s a law.” In 2014, he was interviewed on US TV and asked about his reputation for dating much younger women. “Yeah, resolving daddy issues since 1989. I’m here to help the young ladies,” he replied.

But when a male fan wrote to Maron recently to suggest that maybe he should take that Letterman clip down from his website, he was outraged.“What am I, a personal totalitarian state? I’m going to have to start erasing my history? I don’t think it’s an inappropriate joke. I mean, the idea that men want to have sex with teenage girls – really, are you shocked? It says a lot that somebody – that a man – would reach out and say, ‘It’s not a good look to have that joke up.’ What is happening?” he asks.

Marc Maron: ‘I’m familiar with coke, anger, bullying, selfishness’ | Comedy | The Guardian---

 

Admission

I have received some communication from people who have recently attended Marc Maron's current tour, where he is performing his latest material.   I was hesitant to comment on his current material, without hearing him personally speak about it.   He has mentioned some of his most recent material, in intros and interviews from his WTF Podcast, as well as his own appearances on other podcasts.  A pattern is becoming apparent.   He seems to be doing material that is addressing his 30+ years of predatory behavior.  The way he is doing this, and the words choices he is making, do not appear to be the words of a person who is deciding to take responsibility for harming much younger humans, and trying to stop his predatory behavior.  Instead of apologizing for sexualizing those with BPD from the stage, and saying he was wrong to call those with compromised mental health "lunatics" while blaming them for being re-exploited by him, he appears to be saying he is a sexually abused person who is mentally ill, too.

Men like Marc Maron and my old sda principal are not mentally healthy, and have obviously had fucked up experiences in regards to sex. They see cis girls who have experienced CSA as legitimate targets for sexual re-exploitation.  That is definitely not the behavior of a person with a healthy mind.  No one who sexually preys on younger vulnerable damaged humans is mentally well.  My father saw his own toddler daughter as someone to get off on.  He sent me off with my hooker stepmother to be raped when I was five.  My father is not mentally healthy.  My hooker stepmother was not mentally healthy.  Both experienced CSA. Their mental illnesses and childhood abuses gave them no right to harm me or other children.  Compromised mental health gave no right to my mentally ill sda church-school principal to sexually re-exploit me.  

Sexual predators are mentally ill.  No question about that.  Their mental illnesses and history of sexual abuse does not mean they are free to sexually re-exploit much younger abuse victims.  Predators who have mental illnesses that make them compulsively sexually exploit younger humans need to be kept away from young humans, not marketed to them.  Children need to be protected from the grooming of such predators.  Children need to know such predators are not safe, not be interacting privately with such predators online.

Marc Maron grooms and fucks teen girls who have been sexually abused, who have been diagnosed with mental illness, who are suicidal and regularly harm themselves, and are addicted to drugs and alcohol.  Of course Mr. Maron is mentally ill.  Healthy 60 yr-olds do not groom and fuck mentally compromised teen girls.  He does need help to figure out why he is obsessed with teen girls, and indecently exposes his genitalia.   His behavior needs to be addressed, and he needs to be kept away from children.  Adults with mental illnesses that leave them unable to control their impulses to flash others or stop harming young CSA survivors diagnosed with BPD, are in need of intervention to stop their predatory behavior. 

Yes, Marc Maron is a mentally ill predator. Apparently he is admitting this in his latest material.  His admission does not mean he deserves a continuing pass to harm much younger mentally compromised girls.  His uncontrollable sexual compulsions need to be stopped, not marketed to children. 

More of Maron's recent words

Maron was on a number of podcasts during 2023, and this is just a small example of things he said regarding his behavior.  These clips are from Bialik Breakdown Podcast, Dopey Podcast, Not Cool Podcast, Anniewood Podcast, The Blocks Podcast, and a recent Maron IG Live.

There are some moments worth noting, although each clip is informative on its own:  

Maron mentions himself and his mother being too young to understand themselves at the same ages of many of the girls he draws in and leaves much worse off. 

On the Dopey Podcast, Maron is asked if he sponsors anyone.  He says "No," and lists reasons that somehow have never stopped him from sponsoring mentally compromised girls.  After listening to the Sept. 14th episode of WTF, hearing how Maron spun what actually took place a few years ago, making it seem like he was not trying to sponsor comedian Hannah Einbinder, a girl he flirted with from the stage when he was 50 and she was 19.  Apparently, he just had a private AA meeting with her.  I guess that is how he will be framing what he does to vulnerable young females in need of recovery.

Clips

I'm not sure how many of Maron's own words it will take, for adults to protect kids today from being sexually exploited by this man tomorrow, a man who is turning 60 this month, but this video doesn't begin to scratch the surface of grooming and manipulative BS this man has been crapping out for 3 decades.  There will be more videos in the future.

Edited to respond to the person who tried to detract from Maron's words by mentioning the other comedian in 2 of these clips, and asking why I am not stocking (Yes, that was the spelling) that comedian.   I've had to see predators all of the time, my whole life.  When I posted that Maron was my last straw, I meant it.  

I  can only do a very limited amount of anything to combat this outrageously ignored problem.  The quality (lack thereof) of this video speaks for my deficiency with all things tech.  I have to be somewhere in half an hour.  I can only do what I have time/ability to do.  It would sure be nice if we all could come together and fight this bs predatory behavior that destroys and steals actual lives.  Children being harmed this second, need this to happen. 

If for any reason this link ceases to work, this video is scheduled to appear on other platforms in the future.

Maron's words, 9/10/2023

This was an answer Maron gave on his Sunday afternoon Instagram Live, 9/10/2023, as he did a brief Q and A with us viewers. I suppose his answer here will not mean much, to those unaffected by child sexual abuse and child sex trafficking. Trouble is, this isn't some bullshit right-wing pizzagate nonsense he is talking about. 

To me, to those who have experienced the very real hell of CSA and child sex trafficking, and to all those victims of convicted child sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell, victims who will never have a chance to face Jeffrey Epstein, their other child sex offender, in court, along with those other offenders on Epstein's list, Maron's words this afternoon will hurt to hear. The living nightmares of sexually trafficked children mean nothing to Marc Maron.  

It's pretty clear here why my words truly never meant a thing to Mr. Maron this past year. He does not see sexually abused and trafficked children as anything that matters. No wonder he can so easily re-exploit mentally compromised girls who have experienced CSA. The pain of children being sexually abused means nothing to this man.

YouTube Link

Numbers

I have heard something so often, in my life, but I never stopped and realized how irrational yet widespread this particular belief pattern really is, at its core.  I once thought it was specific to my experience with the SDA church reaction to the predatory principal who sexually re-exploited myself and other damaged girls, but since I started posting about Marc Maron's predatory behavior, I finally understand this is how people everywhere excuse the predatory behavior of anyone they need to keep seeing as safe.  

When I was 17, I had to discover the school principal I had trusted, who had groomed and sexually re-exploited me since I was 13, had been doing the same thing to other girls for many years.  When one of those girls tried to kill herself, I spoke up to the highest church authority in my conference.  He literally got off on my words, then passed the buck.  Soon after, I was asked to have my membership removed from the SDA books.  

In 2001, my sister gave me and my kids a used personal computer, and I ended up on the web, reconnecting with school friends from the many places I lived during my youth.  It turned out some of those friends were still connected to my old nonce principal.  This was disturbing, in ways I couldn't understand fully back then.  Once in awhile, I would be told why these past friends of mine were fine with this sexual predator seeing pictures of, and even interacting with, my old friends' children, online and in real life.  If that man had once tried to interact with my three children, I would most likely still be in prison for how I would have reacted.  For anyone else to allow a sexual predator access to their own offspring made no sense to me at all.  My mind can't figure out how any parent could make such a child-endangering decision.   Most of these friends of mine had heard about what this principal had done to me and other classmates.  For years, I assumed their ignorant endangering of their own children was a problem endemic to the Adventist church.  I know better, now.  This is a problem that is the basis for all sexual predators who are allowed to continue harming vulnerable prey.  My acquaintances from childhood were basing their trust of my past abuser on a numbers game.  Since that SDA principal had not groomed and fucked them while they were children under his care and influence, they decided he had not fucked any kids at all.  

There is no logic behind such a warped belief system.  If this was the standard all criminals were held to, no one would be incarcerated.  No bank robber has ever robbed every single bank that exists.  No one serving time for GTA has stolen every single vehicle that has come off the assembly line.  Jeffrey Dahmer did not murder, then fuck and dismember and cook and eat, every young male on the planet.  He didn't come close to committing his crimes against every young male on his block.  He was convicted of such crimes against 17 young victims.  That is an infinitesimal percentage of the young males Dahmer came into contact with in his daily life.  Somehow, I doubt most humans would think Dahmer should have remained free, simply because he did not kill and necrophilize and cannibalize every young male he ever met.  That's not how crime works.  If a murderer had to murder every human alive to be convicted of murder, there would be no one left to investigate, prosecute, adjudicate, convict, and incarcerate the killer.

My school principal had way more children under his care graduate and go on to college, than end up like myself and his other victims.  That is how sexual abuse works.  That does not negate that principal's predatory behavior, or the damage his behavior created in already damaged girls.  Marc Maron has not sponsored and sexually re-exploited every damaged girl in AA.  That does not negate the damage he has done to many vulnerable girls with mental illness created by childhood sexual abuse.  Every person Maron has not sexually re-exploited has every reason to be thankful they are not worse off now because of his behavior.  But their experience has no bearing on those who have been, or are being, or are going to be, victimized by Mr. Maron.  Holding up those examples of people Maron did not further damage as proof he is a safe man, is not logical.  His predatory behavior has been on public display for over 3 decades.  Just because he hasn't destroyed every girl alive, doesn't mean it is okay for him to leave a suicidal girl with a gun in much worse condition by sexually re-exploiting her and abandoning her, when he is done using her.  She is the one he targeted, groomed, and sexually re-exploited.  She is the broken girl, young enough to be his granddaughter, who he endangered with his selfish sexual predation.  She is the one who should not be ignored and dismissed.  To view her as an unimportant piece of flotsam, should be unconscionable.   Instead, it is the norm. 

Inconvenient Truth

 In July of 2002, a horrendous crime took place.  I was deeply affected by what happened.  I am going to copy the words I shared with Mr. Maron about this crime below this picture.  There will be more pictures of Samantha Runnion at the end of this post.  

Please be warned, the following is harsh, and will be triggering.  

______________

"Cosplay

Mar 17, 2023, 7:10 AM

So, ready to explore another imagined scenario? Why do I hear your voice saying, "Cunt, shut the fuck up, you raging bitch, and leave me alone!" Close to the truth? Prolly.

So, what I am gettin ready to do, is not technically cosplay. Oh well, sue me for poor choice in subject lines. I am gonna set up a scene, gently lower 5 yr old you into it, and see where it goes.

All following imaginings have zero connection to any single person in your life or family. Please do not think I am inferring anything regarding any of them. This is just me, trying to explain something in a way you might be able to really feel.

Buckle up? Or not. Makes me no nevermind. (Put a pin in this last sentence. It will come up later.)

I have heard you talk of dogs you experienced as a child. I have not heard you discuss any cats you interacted with early in life. So, please take how you feel about your cats now, spread that deck-of-cards-worth of emotionally ranged feelings cats can evoke in their adult coexistors, and pick out the cards representing how children tend to feel about their pets. Throw the other cards off to the side, and lay out the ones you picked, tarot-reading style. Focus on these feelings children experience for their beloved animals. 

Imagine a day when you were around five. Imagine the house where you lived. See the way your bedroom ceiling looked at night, what shadows you saw before drifting off. Imagine going outside, looking down in the grass or dirt, and seeing a toy you once played with, how it looked whenever you found it laying beside a tree trunk or under a rosebush. A cap-gun or a tonka truck, a magnetic gyro wheel, or maybe a wooden beagle on a leash, legs moving independently as you pulled it along. You back there?

Turn around and see Buster, as a kitten, approaching little you. He responds to little you differently. He comes up and rubs his tickly whiskers and cheek fur against your kneecap, as you look around your yard. You reach down and wrap your arms around his belly, picking him up in that way cats only tolerate from human children. His face and concurrently his hind end dangle degradingly, on either side of his hoisted and squeezed arm-encircled belly, bouncing along as little you heads toward the faucet on the side of the house. You set Buster down, he flops it, while you struggle to turn the awkward handle. A trickle comes out of the spout. You curl your hands into a cup, barely noticing the smeared dirt and kid sweat and cat hair in the creases of your palms. The water is cold. Tastes like pennies. You get more, and offer it to Buster. He sniffs it, then goes back to licking his paw. You stand up, forget to turn off the handle, and walk around the house. Buster gets up in time to dash through the open screen door past your legs, as you head inside. You sit on the couch as the sun goes down. You hear Buster crunching cat chow. Gilligan's Island comes on. Things get fuzzy. You must've slept a little, because you realize someone is standing over you and you didn't see her walk through the door and up to you. A woman you know. She comes over when your father is home and your mom isn't. She looks mad. She has brown eyes that turn black when she is mad. You scramble back and up, until you are sitting as close to the arm of the couch as you can get. The woman sits next to you. She never moves her angry eyes away from your face. You are in trouble. What did you do wrong? Think. If you can think of it fast enough, maybe her eyes will go back brown. What did you do? What did you do?  

Your father walks over. You finally make your eyes stop looking at the woman's angry eyes. You see your father is carrying Buster. Your face and stomach go really cold. What did you let Buster do? Your kitten has scared eyes. The woman is talking. You can't stop looking at Buster's eyes. The woman says you told your mom about this woman coming over. Did you? When did you do that? Why did you do that? You shouldn't have done that.

Your father squats down in front of you. Puts Buster in your lap, holding Buster's paws tightly between his whitening fingers of his hands, that have curled up, almost into fists. Buster starts to make yowly noises. You reach out to try and grab him out of the big hands. The woman flashes her hands over yours, forces your hands down onto Buster's fur. His neck. You feel hard lumps and string-type things under his skin. The string things feel like they are getting tighter. Buster tries to lift his head up. He is reaching. He wants away. His eyes are scared. Your chest is burning. You try to pull your hands out from under the woman's hands. You have to hit her. You have to help Buster. Your hands are gone. You still see them. Under the woman's hands, her knuckles going white, around Buster's neck. You see them, your hands. But they must have fell off. You can't feel them. You can't feel them. Why can't you feel them? Move them. Buster. Move your hands. Hit the woman's arms. Help Buster. Help Buster. His eyes are sticking out, are growing bubbles. They are going to pop. Help him. Buster. Make your hands move. Buster. I'm sorry I told my mom. I'm sorry, Buster. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Buster.

______________

Mar 17, 2023, 8:32 AM

If you think that last email must've been hard for me, you are right. I will be unable to eat anything today. My face is wet, from tears I do not remember crying. In trying to place you into that moment, I was taken back to that moment. The worst fucking moment of my whole fucking life. I just forced the vestiges of my 5-yr-old mind that still reside in my brain, to re-experience that fucking moment. All to make a point. Saddest part, I am doing this for a man who does not give one single shit about me now, the child I was when my Buster-look-alike kitten Barney was killed, or any girl who has, in her own set of fucked up experiences, been sexualized and objectified and silenced and turned into a girl who will always be re-exploited, over and over, by men who choose to act like you.  

So, fuck you for not caring, maron. You think that bothers me? You think I give a shit if you care or not? I have lived a lifetime of being re-exploited by men just like you. I don't give a duck fuck what you think about me, motherfucker.

Remember the sentence in the last email, where I asked you to put a pin in it? Well, unpin that sentence and insert it here:

"Buckle up? Or not. Makes me no nevermind. (Put a pin in this last sentence. It will come up later.)"

That quote is a lie. As is this paragraph I just wrote: "So, fuck you for not caring, maron. You think that bothers me? You think I give a shit if you care or not? I have lived a lifetime of being re-exploited by men just like you. I don't give a duck fuck what you think about me, motherfucker."

Those are lies. Every single goddam time I have brushed off and walked away from, the pain I have been caused by every man (and woman, to a lesser degree), who has re-exploited me, I am surrounding myself in a wall. A big thick, solid as fuck, wall. Most of the time, that wall lets me believe I have always known how bad men are, lets me believe it never surprises me to hear about 13 yr olds being rescued from a locked shed in NC after being abducted by a predator who met that girl online at places and posts just like your very tiktok and instagram, or little children like Samantha Runnion, who are abducted and used and thrown away like so much trash. This fucking wall keeps me from having to feel what lies buried inside and under that wall. You know what that shit under there is, maron? It is the pain I feel, because I understand intimately what that 13-yr-old went through, because I wish I could stop her abductor in a manner that would keep children safe from him forever, because the story of "Mantha Ray Runnion," wrecked me when it happened, and the worst thing I felt was something I could not admit, because it would be so misunderstood: I knew Samantha Runnion was actually lucky. She died. She was spared the hell of "trauma bonding" with some old man when she was 13, or 16, or 18, or 22, or even fifty-fucking-three, an old man who acted like he cared, who knew exactly how much she had been hurt, who she told herself she did not trust, but who, in the secret places in her heart, truly wanted to finally be the man who was not just using her like her abductor was. This man KNOWS what she has been through. He was drawn to her because he knew her deepest pain. There is no way this man would ever just use her body, and later make jokes about how her pain has messed her up. It was her pain that drew him to her. He wouldn't do that just to get off. He has to know how badly it would hurt me to find out he was just misusing me. If I do everything right for him, he will not leave me. He will care for me so much, we can both learn about love. He knows my pain. He won't hurt me. We will help each other. He won't use me in jokes. He knows my pain. Only a bad man would hurt me again. He is decent. This man will be the time I do not end up being hurt. This man will make all my abduction/rape disappear. He will be a man that will never hurt me. My pain will finally go away.

In every one of my emails, describing how I watched other broken girls suffering because of being re-exploited, I made it sound like I was never one of those gullible girls. Even the mf'ers using me for decades never knew that inside my walls, way in a dark corner, was a tiny belief that maybe this person will care enough not to further destroy me. Every time I was re-exploited, the wall got thicker. It was only at that SAA meeting in my 40's, where that truth-speaking woman slammed me with truth, did I finally begin to understand any of this shit. In my teens and 20's and 30's, I said whatever the fuck I knew men wanted me to say, expected me to say. Did what the fuck they wanted. I said I was mature, grown up, grinned about my sluttiness with them, degraded myself. Why? Why did I do this?

Because since that moment my mind started scrambling desperately to find the right combination of words and promises that would make pam and my father happy, would let my Barney stop struggling and not be killed, let the bad stuff stop because I had finally discovered what it was I was supposed to say and do to keep my father and pam happy, so that they would not hurt my kitten. Not hurt me. Since that very fucking moment, I have still been scrambling to get the right combination of words together, to say the right thing, to try and stop the pain people choose to cause others. I am still, behind that wall inside, a child who believes I am the one that made Barney have to die, and it was my failure to say the right words, that made my father and pam keep choosing to fuck children, take pictures of children, make a child's pet die.

I really want you to be a human who simply didn't understand the damage you were doing. See, and if that is true, then maybe I can find the right combination of words to help you decide to no longer re-exploit exploited girls. Fucked up, huh? So, the facade of me, outside my miles-thick wall, says, "makes me no nevermind," "I don't give a duck fuck," and every other way I try to deny me feeling any pain, I am desperately trying to deny that behind the wall in my mind, a little girl is forever frozen in a moment, desperately trying to say the right words, so her Barney won't die.

If you can smile and keep re-exploiting girls after that, then you fucking deserve whatever comes your way. Me, outside the wall, I will not care. But inside of me, to that little girl, you are yet another human who will not stop causing pain to happen in this world. You would help pam and her father finish Barney off.

And I am done for now. Heading out. If this isn't edited correctly, fuck you.

(Yep, some more of that denial of the fact that it does hurt, somewhere in me, that you do not give a fuck for me, or any other broken girl. Make you feel powerful and badass to be breaking broken children over and over? Make you feel good to have me admit the pain you have caused me? Fuck you.)

________________

Mar 18, 2023, 6:31 AM

Did you look up Samantha Runnion? Do me a huge solid, okay old man? If that story will cause a blood rush and tugs and twitches, do not, do not do that to the memory of that precious child. Let her rest in predatory-free peace. Let her be. She is at the rainbow bridge, with the cat she loved, who can be found next to her in a photo online. The childfucker who destroyed her, used her love of animals to convince her to leave the safety of her yard. He asked for her help to find a lost dog. When parents try to protect their kids from predators, they often used to say things like "Don't take candy from strangers." Candy is something children take notice of. It grabs their attention. But animals, damn... A child who hears of a lost dog or cat, they will immediately feel like they have to help. Their mind will believe that if they don't help, the animal won't be found. They will feel that illogical sense of responsibility that children feel when parents divorce, when siblings die, when something bad happens. They will think they caused the bad thing to happen. Samantha Runnion had to help that man. She had to save that missing dog. It was the only thing her kind heart could do. Such pure intention, such unselfish willingness to help a missing dog. The fury my heart feels for the piece of shit who destroyed her is insanely strong, and is uncontrollable for me. If you were reading about her abduction and assault and murder for the first time, and I was anywhere near you during that first reading, if I saw even one little inseam stretch, even one little wrinkle in the crotch of your pants flatten and lift as you read her story, I would try to kill you with my bare hands, right then, and stopping me would require extreme measures.

Does it piss you off that I mention you be turned on by such an awful story? Are you self-righteously angry that I would dare accuse you of such an awful response? Why? If she had lived, and you interviewed her today, you would "trauma bond" with her and get hard hearing her talk about her abduction and assault. You would see her as someone you were free to "help" "resolve" this awful experience. Your voice would have that charged, subtle tone, as you ever so "gently" guided her from re-entering that most awful place in her memory, straight to your bed. The stories of trauma that turn you on, are real moments. The ONLY reason Samantha Runnion is safe from you re-exploiting her, is because she's dead.  

See now how I could actually think of her as lucky? Do you see?! Do you fucking see? Does this email's combination of words finally help you understand what you do, what you have done for 30+ years?"