Appropriation (Major TRIGGER WARNING)

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ 

Attached are 4 photos from a recent post maron made on X, regarding the death of steve albini.  The words written by albini, which were in the comments below maron's post, may be very triggering.  It is albini's words about "stuff" he liked.  It is vile.  If you do read them, the rest of my post will make more sense.  (If you choose to take my TW seriously, and don't read albini's words, that is a decision I understand.)

The internal space I entered, as a child sodomized and raped, is a space still very clear in my mind.  I can reenter that internal space, although to write about it, I must sit adjacent to that compartment of my mind, not within the space itself. Words don't exist within that Gehenna.   The laws of physics that allow tears to form, cease to exist within that pit.  In my mind's eye, the hellish doorframe that opens into that internal space is cracked and warped, from the innumerable times I have slammed that door shut, when something happened that threatened to cast my mind back into that hell. To enter that internal space, for me, is the closest my mind can come to complete dissociation.  That day I describe, in blog post Cave of pain, is an example of a time I was thrown back into this destroyed space.  The fact that there are toddler human beings forced into such a space inside of their own minds by unspeakable brutality, should be ranked number one on the triaged list of crimes committed by humans that need to be eradicated immediately.  

I was destroyed as a child.  Nothing about that mattered to anyone, ever.  Since then, I was expected to just accept, and get over, being re-exploited constantly.  The destroyed toddler albini wrote about, had just been rendered irrelevant, to everyone, by an act completely outside of that child's realm of control, or comprehension.  The moment I was destroyed, I disappeared.  I was erased.  Replaced with a blank deformed canvas, a canvas formed for jizz. All while taking the blame, from that moment on, for having been destroyed.  Society sees me as someone expected to take the blame for everyone who got off on me.   I was not ever supposed to find a way back to using words or shedding tears, and anything I might say, no matter the painful truth I try so hard to make clear, would be seen as the words of a "lunatic."  Men like my school principal and Marc Maron are publicly allowed to keep grooming and fucking destroyed children.  This unconscionable reality is why I could write the post at this link, about a murdered child a part of my mind kept trying to tell me was the lucky one, the destroyed baby that got away from here before anyone else could get off on her indescribable hell:  https://sighlentz.blogspot.com/2023/09/inconvenient-truth.html

I finally found my way to words.  I spoke up.  That makes me bad.  Could you really tell that destroyed child from albini's journal that if she ever finds her way back to words, and dares to speak out, she is an insane person who needs to shut up?  I am finally pointing out the men who purposely get young destroyed humans alone at their jobs in offices or rectories or garages or after shows, so they can get hard, running their minds across that destroyed child's pain, drawing close to that destruction in order to get off.  Me speaking up about this is not insane.  The fact that these men are allowed to do this is insane.

Old men who publicly fuck destroyed young minds for decades are the ones with fucked up psyches.  I am a destroyed child, who finally formed the words for a blog I started when I was 48.  You all who hand these destroyed babies to these old predators, while you call my words crazy, are the ones whose minds are in denial.  The destroyed child albini wrote about in his attached words, had been rendered inanimate, an object to be leered at by old men.  That unchild is now there to be used by old men to pontificate over, and ogle, to share knowing grins about, to leer at, and to re-exploit. Destroyed little girls are viewed by patriarchal predators as now only existing for these old men to use as a sounding board for their self-agrandizing inner turmoil.  The heaviness of these old men, as they jerk off to, and then shake their heads at, how devastating this child's destruction makes them feel, how intellectualized and objectified that child becomes, a vacuous blankness these old men can paint with their cum and their self-centered appropriated tears.  How heavy it is, to be rent in half by the lust and self-importance that this destroyed child forces these poor old men to feel.   But, that destroyed blank slate-child is never supposed to move or cry, much less try and stand up or speak.  The sexual destruction of a child is viewed as something so bad, that the erased little being becomes nothing but the catalyst for old men to exploit, as those old predators have the insolence to act as if they are being ripped apart by being forced to long for a chance to fuck that child.  That child no longer is anything but a receptacle for old man sperm, meant to get men off, even as those self-important old men appropriate that child's pain.  Then call that child a lunatic.  

I am that goddam child, and I am finally standing up and speaking.  My destruction is mine.  Not Marc Maron's.  Not my pedo principal's.  Marc Maron should never be allowed to appropriate the pain, or bodies, of destroyed afab children.  His inability to see destroyed afab children as anything but blank beings who are now and ever after "asking for it," is a pathogical mental illness, not some sad grief Maron gets to appropriate as if it is his pain.  Fuck every adult who sees destroyed children as something to fuck, and then label a "lunatic" after they do so.

A child who is left in such a destroyed condition should immediately receive help, and protection from every predator who will be salivating to take their own turn.  Instead, that child is erased, and their destruction is appropriated by the predatory adult males lining up to have what they feel they are entitled to.  Predators, who will pontificate about how hard it is for them, to be saddled with the burden of needing to fuck that child.  Predators who reframe the way they hunt for and spot these destroyed young humans and move in for the kill, as if this is them just being "sensitive" to the pain such an obliterated young human is experiencing. Predators who have the depravity to eulogize a fellow predator who shared their penchant for the young, with the words, "Rest in heavy peace, Steve."  steve deserves nothing.  That destroyed child is the one who goddam suffered, because of the steves in the world.  steve can rest in vermin viscera.  As can every other human who gets off on and appropriates the destruction of children.

 For everyone who read albini's own words about the "stuff" he liked, do those words help you finally grasp what is stolen?  Do you finally understand what I have been trying to explain in my blog?  That destroyed child had no self.  Nothing.  Their self was obliterated.  What is left is NOT to blame for anything that others will do to them until well into adulthood, if ever.  It may take decades for them to get any part of themselves back.  Do you understand?  What words have to be said, to finally help society understand?

I am that blotto'd child.  That is what I lived thru, that is what I had to try and overcome, on my fucking own, because every "helper" who was "sensitive" to the destroyed part of me, was allowed to re-exploit me with zero repercussions.  Just as maron is allowed to re-exploit destroyed afab girls, and make himself out to be some sort of victim when he is done.

(As I started down the maron rabbit hole 20 months ago, there were a number of maron's male fans on a few social media sites that would guess, or in one chatroom even bet on, whether or not maron fucked certain young female guests when he was done interviewing them alone in his garage.  It was a joke to these guys.  Of course, if maron ever did do that, in his place of work during the act of performing his job, after getting so many of those female interviewees to start talking about childhood trauma and sexual abuse, which leaves them unable to legally consent, that might be a problem.  I'm sure maron knows the laws regarding the legal requirements of those interviewing child sexual abuse survivors.)