A Month of Pain

 I know I am not supposed to show weakness.  But I am sick of having to hide my lifetime of pain.  I am sick of watching other little girls like I was, going thru pain.

Mental Health Awareness Month came and went, and not one word of acknowledgement from Mr. Maron about the way he has publicly joked about, misused, groomed, and harmed very young girls with BPD.  Nothing. During my 8 months of trying to reach him by doing what others had done, by sending him emails using every written technique I was able to think of, I tried to explain how sexual abuse is not some horrendous slur he has used for decades, "Daddy Issues."  How a BPD diagnosis is not a label saying "This person will be easy and exciting to fuck, and a lunatic I can make fun of and blame afterwards."  How suicidal thoughts, and self-harming behaviors of broken abuse victims with BPD was not something to ignore after he was done sexually exploiting broken girls.  I truly believed the man who was convinced by a fan to stop using the R word, who stopped telling jokes made at the expense of the LGBTQIA+ community, would be able to see that he had been harming a very young and damaged group that needed desperately for men like him to stop continuing to destroy them.  Then I saw the little girl with the gun.

When I realized he could ignore that broken girl after he was done with her, even after everything he had read that I had sent to him about the damage he was doing to this group I belong to, I knew I could stay silent no more.  

Speaking up has not been easy.  The words some people feel justified in saying to me hurt.  But do you know what I already knew would hurt the worst?  And does hurt the worst?   The way a man, who I once respected, who has changed his mind and publicly spoken up and changed his behavior regarding his past treatment of other groups from the stage, is never going to even once acknowledge the pain in the words I have sent him, and have now made public, in trying to make a difference for the group I belong to.  He does not give a shit about broken little girls.  They are fuckable and leavable.  That's what what we are for.  That is the biggest lesson my childhood taught me.

I'm glad Mr. Maron has started off Pride Month so strong in his June 1 podcast intro, for me and my friends and family who are part of this group that has been so harmed and marginalized and mistreated. 

My heart hurts, because Mr. Maron will never once even acknowledge the damage he does to little broken mentally destroyed girls who have been thru hells just like mine.  His ability to simply dismiss my words privately for 8 months, and now publicly throughout all of Mental Health Awareness Month, it fucking hurts.