Let's define the word "Choice"

 An addendum to the last 2 posts:

When a person makes a choice, the ability to choose something with any safety or wisdom, depends on how informed they are.  When deciding which insulation to use for a home remodeling project, my safety and health depends on what information I am given.  If I see a product advertised as safe, if I see a list of the substances used to create a product and every substance listed is considered safe, I am making as informed a choice as I am capable of making.  If the information I received from ads and product labels is false, I am not able to make an informed choice at all.  If I purchase an insulating product I have been led to believe is safe, and it contains a known carcinogen that causes me or my family to develop cancer, the blame lies with the product creator, and the ad company that did not confirm the safety of the product that was marketed.  We are all responsible for every informed choice we make.  But making a choice based on misinformation is not a true choice.  Part of maturity is the ability to learn how to spot snake oil salespeople.  Such maturity does not arrive when we turn eighteen.   It takes time to develop.  Years.  When lives are not endangered, such uninformed choices can be chalked up to experience, and no one's existence was left hanging in the balance.  

Teaching children to make healthier food choices starts with the adults raising such children.  Children's future eating habits are first reliant on those introducing such children to food, and as that child grows, advertisers and school lunch menus become part of the equation.  Our country has suffered the health crises created by processed foods and outrageous food portions being pushed by ad campaigns, and parents far too busy to make sure their convenient meal decisions are not harming the future health of their children.  Other factors, like affordability, access to healthier choices, and adverse side effects by commonly used medications, also add to this mix.  Life expectancy has decreased recently because of the misinformation and other factors that contributed to this rise in health issues across the US these past few decades.

The issue of child sexual abuse had seemingly been ignored, in the overall recorded history of humans, at least until Freud entered the picture.  Freud himself seemed to add to the problem in a number of ways, according to the information currently available.  There were quite a few members of my paternal family for the past few generations who exhibited signs of having experienced childhood sexual exploitation, a number of whom chose to abuse the newest members born into the family.  My childhood was a direct result of the hidden epidemic of child sexual abuse.  By the time I was born, sexual abuse was starting to become a topic seen as important.  Shows like "Something About Amelia," after-school specials meant to provide children with information that was supposed to be helpful, appeared on TV.  Dear Abby responded to a child's letter in the '70's, by telling that child to "talk to a trusted adult" about the abuse they were going thru.  It was those very words that went thru my mind, as the sda principal had me sit next to him when I was thirteen.  I thought I was making the right choice by trusting a person my church held up as "safe."  I had nothing else to go on. That was the only information I had.  I was not making any kind of choice at all.  I was being groomed by a lying predator, who knew exactly what to say to a damaged child like me.  And society encouraged my "choice."  And then, later, blamed me for making that man "sin."  As more time passed, in trying to overcome the original sexual exploitation, as well as the addition of my principal's re-exploitation, I was once again told to go to somebody paid to help people like me, who once again said new things that made me finally decide to trust, and once more re-exploited me.  At this point, I just assumed I would eventually be re-exploited by someone who would actually care about me, and that was why society kept telling me to try yet again.  This cycle created all kinds of issues for me, and eventually for my children.   The cycle only got worse.  After this last round, I finally decided continuing this fucked up cycle was bullshit.  I will no longer speak to any human educated and paid to help people like me.  It is the only way to keep myself safe.  I am done choosing to believe anything I have been told by society.   I am never safe, because no one has ever once been held responsible for re-exploiting me.  Since I was 13, I have been held responsible for everything others have been choosing to do to me and to other survivors of child sexual abuse.  That is what society does to survivors of child sexual abuse.  Believing anything else would, to me, be the definition of insanity. 

My choice now is to publicly call out the behavior of predators that causes the awful cycle of re-exploitation sexual abuse survivors overwhelmingly face.  An abused child has no way of knowing the other abuse victims being re-exploited by the lying predator this abuse victim is choosing to trust.  These predators tell abuse victims cruel lies meant to draw such victims in.  Private, deeply personal lies.  These predators make the abuse victims think they are finally cared about.  These predators are held up as safe.  How the hell is a sexualized child supposed to know that society is purposely letting a predator be viewed by them as safe?  They are decades away from the awful realization that adults were always aware these old predators were fucking broken children as soon as they hit 18, and the adults simply grinned and said, "Hey, that sexualized teen girl is choosing to be sexually exploited by that predator.   It's her own fault for not knowing the truth about a man we market to kids as safe, a man who has been doing this for decades longer than this girl has been alive.  It's her own fault when she wants to kill herself.  She should have known not to trust a man held up as trustworthy. "

If our society is going to continue allowing sexually abused children to be re-exploited by old-ass predators, it is time for every single child at the hospital who has just had a rape kit done, every child sitting in a squad car or the office of a CPS worker who has just been removed from a sexually abusive situation,  every child anywhere who is found to have been sexually abused, to be sat down in a chair and told firmly that they will now be sexually harmed by every adult who comes near them.  This is the only thing that might protect such children.  Sound extreme?  Well, sitting back grinning as men like Maron groom teen girls suffering from sexual abuse and BPD seems pretty fuckin extreme to me.

Sexual abuse victims are incapable of making any informed choice, when it comes to them being handed off to those society allows to prey on sexual abuse victims.  This cycle sets victims up to fail, and sets predators up to get off. 

There's no informed choice for broken sexual abuse victims at all.

America's Burqa, pt 1

Why do 59 yr-old men like Marc Maron get to publicly target young females with a specific mental illness, an illness he equates publicly with "good sex?"  A specific mental illness is viewed as an acceptable reason to purposely try and fuck a girl.  Worse still, damaged girls whose fathers/teachers/coaches/neighbors/step-parents/guardians/clergy, etc, have molested, assaulted and/or raped them, are groomed and laughed at by those using that disgusting slur "daddy issues."  Why do these old predators openly have access to young girls who exhibit self-harming and suicidal behavior, girls suffering because of the well-known damage created by some of the worst known childhood abuses imaginable?  Girls with the symptoms of one of the most diparaged of mental illnesses in the current DSM?  Why is this re-exploitation of damaged children allowed to happen over and over, especially at a time when so many "othered" people are finally being seen as worthy of protection?  Instead of being horrified that a child's body and mind has been horribly harmed by childhood sexual exploitation, men like Maron are grinning about "daddy issues," laughing about the way BPD manifests in self-distructive and painful symptoms, salivating for their chance to fuck such at-risk children, the minute these mentally, emotionally,  and physically harmed children hit 18, or 17, or 16, depending on the law alone, because god forbid that such men be forced to experience sexual exploitation while incarcerated.  Children, little kids who have been destroyed by the very type of abuse that robs that child of any ability to develop self-agency or self-preserving knowledge, like how sick and depraved and uncaring men like Maron really are, are left completely unprotected, thrown into the waiting laps of predators.  Society does nothing to stop these men. Instead, Marc Maron is now marketed to children.  People are purposely introducing this well-known sexual predator to children.  Every single little girl being raped this second is in danger of being re-exploited by Marc Maron in just a couple of years.  Think about that. Think of what such a child is now in for, and will be blamed for, because somebody is destroying that child's mind and body right this second.  Some little child is, as you read these words, going through hell.  But her hell is way bigger than the pain she is experiencing this second.  Her hell includes everything Marc Maron and other old predators will continue doing to her from now on, over and over.  These old predators are pulling years-long trains on broken children.  And nobody stops this.  Instead, they blame the broken children.  They say it's the children's choice.  

There is no choice for a sexually exploited child who keeps being re-exploited by men like Maron.  None.  That is why men like Maron get off on this.  They know an unsexualized, relatively normal girl has no interest in gross old men with herpetic unprotected genitalia who draw in 4 or 5 mentally damaged girls at a time.  The Obama daughters are examples of girls who wouldn't look twice at an old predator like Maron. No girl raised in any sort of decent,  relatively normal manner would have anything to do with a man now old enough to be their grandfather, who behaves like Maron.  Men like Maron rely on molested children for gratification, actually get off because there are molested children about to turn "legal."  If society would prosecute and incarcerate more child molesters, and properly help and protect those children who have been molested, then Marc Maron's predatory behavior would be severely curtailed.   He, and predators just like him, are allowed to dehumanize and joke about sexually molested children, are allowed to be marketed as "safe" to such sexualized and damaged children.  All of this is done while ascribing agency to such damaged children the minute that child is 16, or 17, or 18, all while excusing the obvious ongoing predatory behavior that leaves those molested children suicidal, even as the old predator moves on to his next victims.  This is fucking unconscionable.  Yet this is exactly what is happening to molested children, children who are being diagnosed younger and younger with BPD.  A label that attracts predators like Maron, is being placed on the backs of children.

In this country, cis female babies are covered by a kind of reverse "burqa," an absence of protection, a visible sexualization, that is as soul stealing as the actual burqa is for those girls forced to be covered that way in other countries. (I will expand on what I mean by America's reverse burqa in my next post)  These two opposing "coverings" girls are forced to wear are two sides of the same goddam coin: patriarchy.   The result is the same.  Old men, predatory men, are free to destroy very young cis females.  The suicidal ideation, the self-harm, the destruction of young cis female souls, is all the same, burqa, or reverse burqa.  None of this is egalitarian.  This is all patriarchy.  And it destroys lives. 

America's Burqa, pt 2

I recently wrote a post here called "A Question." I am re-posting it now:

"SUNDAY, MAY 14, 2023

A Question

I was standing in a Walmart, talking to a friend recently. We were next to the "Baby girl," "Toddler girl," clothing department. Something spoken of in the new documentary, "Pretty Baby," hit me. I turned to my friend, pointed at a shelf full of clothing that once would have only been sold in places like Victoria's Secret, for all us adults to enjoy, and asked, "Why isn't this type of clothing mass marketed to little boys?" Her response was immediate, and the look of disgust on her face was clear.

"Oh my God, that would make adult men see little boys as sexual."

Quite an answer. The saddest thing to me? She still doesn't realize what her answer said, what it means she and society view as an acceptable way to let others view cis girl babies and toddlers.

Judy S. Lentz at 6:32 AM"

Since this post, I have discovered there are more stores offering "gender neutral" clothing, as well as the traditional "boys" and "girls" clothing departments. Care to guess which of the "boy" and "girl" departments that the "gender neutral" clothing more closely resembles? Doesn't take much thought, does it. Children's clothing departments might as well be labeled as "sexualized" and "non-sexualized."  That has been the two choices for the last few decades.  Which of those choices more resembles gender neutral clothing?  You got it, turns out, gender-neutral is simply non-sexualized. 

The Pretty Baby documentary made something clear that I hadn't heard mentioned before. An interesting change in marketing that coincided with another change years ago.  I don't know if it was necessarily on purpose, but when women started the first wave or two of feminism, something really fucked up started to happen about that same time, all in the name of "clothing choice," I guess? Little girls started to be more blatantly sexualized by the clothing being marketed for them. Cis female babies were endangered by a new, and growing threat in this country. A new kind of Americanized "burqa," a way of presenting little female children as more and more sexual, a clothing change that was eventually marketed for cis female children still in diapers. The idea of beauty was taken away from fully grown adult women, whose shapes and ages were once portrayed on screen by fully grown adult females with fully mature bodies, and replaced by younger prepubescent-looking girls.  The Pretty Baby documentary mentioned all of this.  Whether on purpose, or not, the results of this sexualization has been a continuing nightmare for younger and younger females.  Little girls, while still toddlers, got desensitized to the leering looks of adult men, while more and more adult men started seeing younger and younger girls as sexual.  When these girls got old enough to choose their own clothing, they simply went with what they knew, after already being taught that their worth was tied up with the sick sexual leers that passed as male attention in their lives.  Then they were told their continued wearing of sexualized clothing was their own "choice."  Instead of being handed the apple by the snake while an adult, female children grew up carrying apples already velcroed onto their child bodies.  They still end up being blamed for that goddam apple.  

And predatory men walk away blame free.

Where the fuck is Lilith when we need her...  

We need to start dressing all children in non-sexualized clothes.  Let them truly grow into their own sexuality, along with their peers, at a reasonable, natural pace. With their peers. Their goddam peers. No gross-ass old predator involvement at all.  And before anyone says little girls fucking old men is natural, that bullshit is straight from the bible of patriarchy.  It has nothing to do with nature.

My next post will focus on the two times in my life where I actually experienced momentary age appropriate sexuality, by my own choice, once as an eleven yr-old,  and again at nineteen.  (My post about my first kiss is one of the experiences I will expand on, and can be found by following this link: My first kiss )

Before anyone tries to label me as some sorta prude-ass churchy person, let me mention a well-known fact about my "godless" parenting style.  My kids had information from me, and access to condoms, from the time my oldest child was twelve.  Humans are sexual.  No prude bullshit is ever going to come out of my mouth.  As kids mature, they need to interact with their peers in a manner that helps them all become fully functioning responsible adults.  The operative words in my last sentence?  "Their peers."  Not old-ass predators.  I am quite comfortable in saying that making sure our children are protected from molesters and the predators who will pull trains on molested children for many years to come, will go a long way in slowing this current increase in self-harming and suicides in teen girls.

Children being assaulted and raped this second, do not need any goddam Marc Maron's in their futures.  And we gotta stop sexualizing cis female children.  That is not a fucking choice any child is making.

O Children

 O Children

There will be more victims

 In the middle of these past 9 months, since a millennial moment sent me down this Maron rabbit hole, the biggest part that has hurt my heart is watching how easily a sexual predator has slid into a new market for himself, a market of the most vulnerable humans on earth.  A market where this man has children, little girls, drawing pictures of Mr. Snake, to send to a man who will misuse and exploit some of these same little girls sexually the moment they turn 18, and who will receive some illegal pictures from some of these girls while they are still underage, pictures that he will not turn in to the FBI or to the parents/guardians of these girls.  And nobody is going to protect these children.  In many of my emails to Mr. Maron, I mention these children he is only just within the past few years starting to target.  They are the most vulnerable sector of the human population, and this man is being given more and more access to them, being actively marketed to them.

Since April 26, I have been trying to bring this predator into a public light, and my biggest reason for doing this is to try my best to protect the little girls this man will one day sexually exploit and leave suicidal, like the girl with a gun who was pleading Mr. Maron to take her back, in public replies on his posts that would disappear as soon as she posted them, words telling him she loved him, begging him not to ignore and ghost her anymore, now that he was done with her.  This girl was 12 when Mr. Maron filmed his Thanksgiving book-reading for children, which gets played in schools across our country.  This girl was shown Mr. Maron was safe, at twelve, by having him publicly marketed to her as a child.  A few years later, this girl, a girl diagnosed with BPD, a sexualized child, a suicidal girl with a gun in her possession and on display in her Instagram photos, was in a very real crisis, because Mr. Maron was done using her, and he did not give a shit about her anymore.  I was hoping my public words might, at the very least, make Mr. Maron decide to back off his playing more and more for a child market.

In his WTF podcast today, Marc Maron makes it clear he is hoping for more appearances by Mr. Snake in the future, and is publicly enjoying  how he is reaching children.  It hurt my heart so much to hear his words today.  He knows exactly what he is doing, and he knows nobody cares enough about sexualized little girls to ever stop him.  He will be marketed to more children.  He is happy about that.

Victims of sexual exploitation do not need public exposure.  That is a fundamental truth for me.  But right now, it is taking everything in me to not insert a picture of this suicidal little girl right here in this blog post, along with pictures of her posts full of suicidal ideation, and a photo of the gun in her possession.  I know such pictures might have an actual impact on those reading this.  That is probably the one thing I could do right now that might actually protect future children from being sexually exploited by this predator.  How in the hell do I weigh the damage that would do, me putting that broken girl's photos here, against the damage Mr. Maron is going to do to those victims he will be exploiting and throwing aside in the future?  

The pain of this is horrible for me. 

There will be no pictures in this post.

There are children, this second, who will be future victims of Mr. Maron's.  Nobody is protecting them.

Caring About What Others Say

Ever since I first started developing memories I have always been able to recall, somewhere around 2 years of age, I have felt a deep need to keep others happy.  I'm not sure why.  I was always sensitive to other's feelings, especially the feelings of non-humans.  (This post is an example of that behavior in action: Sensitivity.)  I do know that once I became an adult, there was a lot I never said, out of fear of offending anyone.  The minute I said anything that got a negative response, I would shut up.  I think this happens to a lot of people.  I think it comes from simply not wanting to be hurtful to others, which isn't bad, until it makes people stay quiet while others are being harmed.

As an adult, I have heard people say that I needed to learn to not pay attention to others who made me feel like I should shut up.  So many times I would hear things like, "Don't listen to them," "Let that shit roll off your back like water off a duck," "Do like a dog, kick some dirt over that bs and walk away," "You really need to stop caring about what others think," etc, etc.  I tried hard to figure out how to speak up about issues I felt were important, without letting other people's negative responses make me feel guilty or wrong for speaking.  I knew I was not ever intentionally trying to say mean or offensive things whenever I wanted to speak up.  I knew what I most wanted to say were words about issues that were very important to me.  Issues like the need for people to get their pets spayed or neutered.   Issues like the ever-increasing occurances of childhood sexual exploitation.   Specific issues like corporal punishment in schools, where I knew very well how my sda school principal had gotten hard-ons every time he got to hack little girls under his care, with the blessing of the school board and the church behind each one of those hacks.  Let me tell you, no teacher was ever gonna hack my kids.  Not with what I knew.  (Yes, I know not all teachers would be turned on by hacking students. Simply not a risk I was ever gonna take with my own children.)  The negative reactions of others to those things I once tried to say, always shut me down.  For many years.  Decades even.  A long-ass time.  Until they didn't. 

I don't know what flipped that switch for me, but I think working in shelter medicine/rescue helped a lot.  I knew the numbers, I saw the abuses and suffering created for thousands of stray/feral animals.  Anyone who tried to tell me I was wrong to speak up about spay/neuter, was a person I realized simply did not know the truth.  It wasn't my place to yell at or belittle or shame that person.  That was something I believe would have been wrong of me to do.  But I finally realized it was right for me to speak the truth I knew about this issue.  I could create a blog post like this, Spay/Neuter, and the misinformation inherent in any negative responses I got, made it easy for me to simply let such responses roll off my back.  I found my key to actually not letting other's opinions about my words get to me.  

My biggest breakthrough in speaking truth without letting negative responses get to me, was when I posted this. (Trigger warning)  My sister compared that post to the day she "came out" to our family.  It probably was somewhat similar.  When I hit "publish" on that post, it was a huge step in my life.  There were things others said about that post that could be hurtful, but nobody who tried to make me feel bad for saying those words about a disturbing issue, could make me feel bad for posting those words.  I knew those words needed to come out, for me, and for those who don't understand what trafficking and child sexualization looks like, how easily and often it occurs, how it is something that happens all around us, all the time.  

I have finally reached a point where I feel comfortable enough not to internalize guilt when others try to make me feel bad for speaking up about an important issue I know needs to be better understood.  The re-exploitation of sexually exploited children is commonplace.  Cis girls are being systemically sexualized in our society from birth/toddler-hood on, and then blamed and ascribed the very agency such childhood sexualization steals from them.  Sexualized and sexually exploited children are viewed as fair game, by celebrities like Marc Maron, and by a lot of society as a whole.  Finally, at 57, I have figured out how to speak the truth about this, and when others try to make me feel bad for speaking it, I can finally kick some dirt over that shit and walk away.

Beauty, and a prayer by Tina Fey

 There is a prayer I read awhile back, written by Tina Fey, and it ranks right up there with "Yea though I walk...," "Grace," and the "Our Father," in my opinion. One section in particular stood out to me, that Mother's Day I first read it years ago, because it sums up a truth most of us don't seem to comprehend. It's a concept I internally understood, but had not yet found a way to describe, until I read Tina's inspired words. Here is that section that stood out for me:

"May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty."

The minute my oldest son was born, I was filled with that deep, cellular-level parental love, an almost indescribable feeling that is universally experienced by many, but cannot be properly defined or explained. To me, my son was the most beautiful human I had ever seen. Suddenly, every bad driver on the road was a personal threat specifically to my child, a baby food company that was selling "apple juice" with no real apple in it was a company that deserved to be put on death row for endangering my child, every leader of any country who did not immediately destroy all weapons of mass destruction was a psychotic killer threatening my child. There are now 4 other humans on this planet who are loved by me in this dna-level deep way: my 2 other children and my grands. I did nothing to manufacture how I feel for them. Like breathing, it's just there. It is something so strong, I immediately identify with and feel connected to the mother bear that is instantaneously feared by any sensible human who spots a bear cub in the wild. Whether that mother bear can be seen or not, a being who has spotted a bear cub is in very clear and present danger. That mother bear and I share a bond, and anything she does to protect her offspring is perfectly acceptable and logical to me.

I don't know where that kind of deep emotion comes from. I have no way to shut it off, or to even comprehend any scenario where I would want to shut it off. It also leaves me unable to understand any human who can see any child as a target for exploitation of any kind.

My stepmother knew exactly which children were going to make easy targets for sexual exploitation. Predators have and hone this ability to spot vulnerable prey. After decades of trying to figure out what it is about myself, and others, that makes us stand out to predators, I still can't define what it is. But I can tell you what it isn't. It isn't beauty. It isn't height or weight or gender or any of many other outward attributes that might be defined as "attractive." Whatever it is that attracts sexual predators, it does not include beauty.  

No matter my age, my clothing choices, my outward appearance, I can still be spotted and approached by predators. I am no Helen Mirren or Nichelle Nichols. I am not aging in any way that could be defined as beautiful. But I still attract predators. This is no compliment. It is a dangerous deficit I would like to be rid of. I can only conclude that whatever attracts sexual predators to specific prey, exploitation during childhood reinforces and strengthens that "attractiveness," and leaves such prey vulnerable to predators in apparent perpetuity. A person who tries to describe being such a target for predators is not bragging or being vain. They are describing what it means to be prey.

Here is Tina Fey's full prayer:

A MOTHER’S PRAYER FOR HER CHILD BY TINA FEY

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”  -Tina Fey

A Month of Pain

 I know I am not supposed to show weakness.  But I am sick of having to hide my lifetime of pain.  I am sick of watching other little girls like I was, going thru pain.

Mental Health Awareness Month came and went, and not one word of acknowledgement from Mr. Maron about the way he has publicly joked about, misused, groomed, and harmed very young girls with BPD.  Nothing. During my 8 months of trying to reach him by doing what others had done, by sending him emails using every written technique I was able to think of, I tried to explain how sexual abuse is not some horrendous slur he has used for decades, "Daddy Issues."  How a BPD diagnosis is not a label saying "This person will be easy and exciting to fuck, and a lunatic I can make fun of and blame afterwards."  How suicidal thoughts, and self-harming behaviors of broken abuse victims with BPD was not something to ignore after he was done sexually exploiting broken girls.  I truly believed the man who was convinced by a fan to stop using the R word, who stopped telling jokes made at the expense of the LGBTQIA+ community, would be able to see that he had been harming a very young and damaged group that needed desperately for men like him to stop continuing to destroy them.  Then I saw the little girl with the gun.

When I realized he could ignore that broken girl after he was done with her, even after everything he had read that I had sent to him about the damage he was doing to this group I belong to, I knew I could stay silent no more.  

Speaking up has not been easy.  The words some people feel justified in saying to me hurt.  But do you know what I already knew would hurt the worst?  And does hurt the worst?   The way a man, who I once respected, who has changed his mind and publicly spoken up and changed his behavior regarding his past treatment of other groups from the stage, is never going to even once acknowledge the pain in the words I have sent him, and have now made public, in trying to make a difference for the group I belong to.  He does not give a shit about broken little girls.  They are fuckable and leavable.  That's what what we are for.  That is the biggest lesson my childhood taught me.

I'm glad Mr. Maron has started off Pride Month so strong in his June 1 podcast intro, for me and my friends and family who are part of this group that has been so harmed and marginalized and mistreated. 

My heart hurts, because Mr. Maron will never once even acknowledge the damage he does to little broken mentally destroyed girls who have been thru hells just like mine.  His ability to simply dismiss my words privately for 8 months, and now publicly throughout all of Mental Health Awareness Month, it fucking hurts. 

Joe Camel

 

Cigarettes have a varied and interesting history.  Camel cigarettes once had a slogan similar to the ad campaign that mentioned 4 out of 5 dentists recommending a certain brand of toothpaste.  Doctors were once cited in an ad campaign as preferring Camel cigarettes above all others.  Thankfully, we have come a long way, from the days of such ads.

In the '90's, a popular cigarette mascot was retired.  Old Joe, the most famous camel who ever lived, was removed from circulation.  Kids around the world recognized Joe Camel in greater numbers than Mickey Mouse.  It took a long time, but the marketing campaigns geared toward bringing in new smokers by targeting children, were finally called out and stopped.  As a smoker who wishes I had never started, I wholeheartedly approve of ceasing such ad campaigns.  Do I think Joe Camel, and products like candy cigarettes, are to blame for me smoking?  I don't think they did anything helpful for me or other smokers my age, that's for sure.

It took a long time for society to recognize how Joe Camel was introducing a dangerous substance to the minds of children.  When society recognizes that children are influenced by ad campaigns targeted toward them, certain products can be forced by consumers to stop being marketed directly to children.  Did Old Joe's removal help less children take up smoking?  The numbers seem to back that idea up.  I doubt tobacco companies would readily admit to that proof, but why would they?  When I die earlier than I might have, from some disease attributed to years of smoking, my contribution to tobacco funding will need to come from somewhere.  Morals and ethics aside, priming children to purchase a product as soon as they hit 18 makes great marketing sense.

Sexual predators who are afraid of being raped in prison, may limit themselves to victims 18 and older, at least when they are in countries where 18 is the legal age.  But they know damn well how to start the grooming process much earlier than 18.  It's all about marketing.  They will continue grooming children for as long as society continues to ignore, deny, and allow it.

The Truth About Grooming

In trying to bring attention to the re-exploitation of sexually abused girls with BPD, which is an ongoing problem that causes suicidal and self-harming behaviors in already very broken girls to increase, there is a very real need for people to be shown the truth.  Marc Maron, the sda principal, all the other old predators re-exploiting sexually exploited children, never have to admit what it is they are doing, how often they are doing it, how they are getting away with public grooming of damaged children.  Letting a man, who only sees the legal age of 18 as any kind of limit, be viewed as safe by children, allows him to groom children.  Blaming sexually abused children for responding to such grooming is wrong.  Mr. Maron, who only sees 18 as the limit, should not be marketed to children.  He is not an old man who is innocently being approached by "enamored" sexualized little girls.  He grooms them.  They would not think to even glance his way, if he was not grooming them.  The sda principal does the same thing.  These predators are the ones drawing in broken children.  Until that is called what it is, and stopped, no child is safe from predators like this.

My next few blog posts will try and make this specific issue clearer.  These grooming old predators know exactly what they are doing, and children need to be protected from such grooming, not blamed for responding to it.  Children already exhibiting the symptoms of BPD do not need these predators brought into their lives, and then be blamed for responding.