AA, 12-step, 13-stepping, Anonymous

I was court ordered to attend 20 AA meetings back in the mid '90's.  At my first such meeting,  I had a man immediately start trying to interact with me.  He said his many years' experience made him a reliable sponsor, and he thought he could help me.  Later that evening, while I was outside smoking, a couple of female members caught up with me and told me about  the 13th step.  Over the years since then, as I pinpointed and admitted my area of addiction, I attended SAA meetings in an urban area hours from where I lived.  I have lots of friends and family in different 12-step and recovery groups.  Two of the best things I memorized and have found to be consistently reliable have come from such meetings.   First, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.   And second, time plus behavior equals truth.  

Here are a couple of emails I sent to wtfpod.com, changed enough to protect identifying people and places.

"you know this, right?"

Oct 17, 2022, 8:14 AM

A group I went to for awhile in a nearby area (there is nothing safe or anonymous about most mixed Anonymous meetings in the rural area around me that I tried to attend years ago, so I had to hit meetings elsewhere), an older woman who had been working the steps for years spoke truth to me. It helped me take the time to make myself focus on that moment when I was 7, and my mom was weeping, once again, over my father's philandering.  That woman in the meeting spoke truth like I had never heard before. Later, while having an after-meeting smoke with another member, I was told the truth-speaking woman had not followed guidelines by how she spoke to me. So I know what I am about to write here might not be viewed as correct. But I am going to type to you very similar words to the ones that woman spoke to me.

Are you one of those AA members who finds ways to rationalize relationships with young female AA members by befriending or sponsoring them, even though AA discourages this? I cannot tell you how many men in various Anonymous groups have tried to worm their way into my life by doing exactly that. Sorry to sound all preachy and shit, but I like truth, and the truth is, you need to never be involved in supporting in any way, shape, or form, any broken females, ever, for any damn thing that will involve you privately communicating with that female. (You also probably might think about hiring household employees who are exclusively male, too, as you appear to be unable to stop yourself from exploiting a number of your female employees...) You have actually publicly made it clear for years that you have a real problem with how you view your dick, how you view broken girls, how you view females in general as humans, and how you view sex. I can rehear you, in the Dopey podcast, trying to keep the definition of "predator" away from your behavior. You want your behavior to be defined as "codependency." Well sure, codependency goes on in your life. But you do not get to shine up a shit pile with snake oil. You purposely target broken girls, very young females who have been sexualized and objectified by those around them who should have treated them in a manner that helps them not become fucked up adults. There is nothing codependent between you and a sexualized girl. That is a predatorial relationship. You go looking for those girls. You have publicly spoken about doing that. On stage and on late night shows, you bragged about doing this. You groom, dogwhistle, and encourage them to come near. Constantly. You need to stop lying to yourself that you are ever capable of caring for broken girls. There was, and is, never a moment of equality or compassion or anything else decent in those interactions you purposely create with broken girls. The last thing you need is someone insinuating themselves into your life and subtly getting you to drink.  Sexualized girls are not made better when an older AA member grooms them to have sex. 

Predators who cannot say no to their sexual impulses that cause damage to those young enough to be their children or grandchildren, need to stick with closed, SLAA groups. Such predators try to reframe and redefine their addiction to avoid doing this. You want to go to ACOA groups, yet another 12-step group full of broken girls you know damn well you will fuck. That is a very real threat to the mental health of broken females.  Just since September of 2020, you have groomed, re-exploited,  and left suicidal, 3 girls that I am aware of.

You need to admit this shit.  Actual lives are at risk as long as you are not honest.

Gonna go have a smoke, as if I am exiting the basement where a meeting just ended. And perhaps feel like this was an especially wasted email as I smoke. Fucking hell, Maron, quit harming broken girls with your internal rationalizations and lies. Those broken girls already deal with more than enough hell.  

________________

Truth

Oct 18, 2022, 11:47 AM

"You can't handle the truth!"

Yeah, I know. Fucking cliche. Still, a memorable line. Whenever I bring up the image of that truth-telling SAA woman in my mind, I hear this line in my head. She never said these words, but she spoke with an intensity that mirrored Nicholson's.

I had hooked up with a few members from the first SA/SAA groups I attended years ago. One hook up was a female, the others male. It was all fucked up. I was told by another member I could attend a different, women-only, meeting to avoid those folks I had fucked, and when I decided to share at that meeting, I spoke about trying to figure out why I was stupid enough to hook up with other SA/SAA members, all of whom had spouses. I could regurgitate some of the words that 12-step groups use when explaining why these hook ups are not healthy, but I had no understanding, no comprehension, of what it truly meant. My ignorance was all tangled up with past abuse and current rationalizations. When I was through sharing, this woman spoke up. She said she was in a monogamous relationship and was sexually sober 8 years.

She was an older lesbian. She let me know I was exactly the kind of person she once got to know outside of meetings, connecting on facebook and getting together for coffee or visits to the zoo or whatever, all under the guise of help, but knowing what would eventually happen. She said until I recognized this kind of behavior for what it was, and learned to remain accountable and honest about those situations, I would always find myself in those situations. She said me saying I was not breaking any vows so I was not doing any harm when I slept with married people was bullshit. She said that every time I ended up in these harmful relationships, I was reinforcing all of the lies I carried in my head. She tried to focus on how much damage this was doing to me, but the sentence that really got to me was when she said that the spouses of people I had fucked would have been hurt by an activity I was choosing to take part in. She said until I drew a line between myself and people in committed relationships, and daily chose not to cross it, I was going to be victimizing others, and letting others victimize me. She said I needed to attend closed groups for women only. She said I needed to decide I would not strike up outside connections with any lesbian members. She said I needed to walk into meetings with the honest intention that I was not going to allow sex to enter into my relationships with those in meetings for sex addiction. She told me I needed to speak those words at every meeting. I needed to say, at every meeting, that I was choosing to not sleep with those in SA/SAA groups I attended. And I needed to understand exactly what that meant. I needed to recognize the minute I was striking up a dangerous friendship. She said if I never did this for myself, every other member would know they could be in a relationship with me that was going to be exciting and titillating and was going to end up in sex that was victimizing and harmful to all involved.  She said every member was someone that could, in a moment of weakness, choose to rationalize pursuing the excitement of such a damaging relationship. She said only full honesty, in every moment, was going to keep each member from falling into destructive patterns. She said part of why she was sharing this was because she had caught herself wanting to walk up to me later after the meeting ended, offer to sponsor me, and begin the whole sexually charged, dishonest and harmful pattern of behavior that was the last thing any of us needed. She said that many other members avoid learning such honesty, and that was why so many members ended up damaging each other. She said some people chose to join SA/SAA meetings just to start such damaging relationships. She said I needed to find a female sponsor who had never been attracted to women, and even then, I needed to realize that all the lies I believed could make even those relationships potentially becoming sexual, so I needed to speak up honestly about any such feelings at meetings, because any secrets I kept were going to end in sexual relationships that harmed me and others. She said I might decide to ignore her words, because it was hard work to remain accountable to others. She said truth was hard to live.

She said a shitload of other things. I continue to carry, and more fully understand a lot of truths I learned from this woman. I learned how my adult behavior was reinforcing my warped beliefs from being sexualized as a child. I realized there was no way I could have ever learned all of this when I turned 18, or even in my 20's or 30's, which was why I had been re-exploited so many fucking times. At that meeting, I finally started to gain a bit of the knowledge I needed to protect myself. The way she spoke was so real. I later saw others who said some similar words, but were just saying those words to be able to let other members know that the speaker wanted to fuck them, so I know how truthful words can be used in harmful ways. Which made me realize how humans can rationalize anything, and can appear to be doing the right thing, even while victimizing others. People can be speaking the truth, right in front of others, and be respected by everyone, but continuing to victimize others in the very moments they are speaking the truth. Time plus behavior equals truth. Bullshit always stinks eventually. I learned that repeating the same behavior will always end where that behavior has always ended. And in all of this, the only one I can control is me. I decide to choose honesty. I cannot choose it for anyone else. But I can call bullshit when I see bullshit. Because once in awhile that does help someone else decide to face, and admit their bullshit. In the end, I guess that is part of why 12-step groups can work for people. Speaking truth to bullshit. 

I have not felt a need to attend meetings in years. I have friends who attend many of the different 12-step and other types of recovery groups. When honesty is priority,  that appears to be when there is the most success.

I have not knowingly hooked up with a partnered person in many years. And by never attending meetings with men, and avoiding lesbian/bi sponsors and friendships outside of meetings, I never hooked up with another member of 12-step groups I attended.

_______________

Hornets' Nest

"Who's gonna hit that hornet's nest?"

Oct 20, 2022, 5:46 AM

In the Dopey podcast, you bring up something that I have heard you mention before. You say you are a codependent, and you mention that you cannot say no to any "lunatic" who approaches you. You say you cannot set boundaries. You also mention how nobody said anything about what was going on when you were with redacted name. Do you believe all this? Is it totally subconscious dishonest rationalization that is going on? Because I think you have to know, at least semi-consciously, that this is all bullshit.

You easily set boundaries with every single person who is on record as trying to call out your inappropriate behavior with young girls for the past 3 decades. You react with a hostile set of words/tone that shuts everyone the hell up. The interview in 2018 with the Guardian, I think it was, is a perfect example of this. A man questioned you about your inappropriate joke that was on your website. You immediately used a vitriolic diatribe that tried to make that man appear to be the predator. Interesting tactic. I've been seeing a lot of that in politics recently. trump uses that technique quite a bit. Blame-shifting, I think it might be called.

Have you seen how you react to anyone who tries to say you are doing something wrong by preying on young girls? You were hostile when somebody asked who your niece was back when she stayed with you. "Back off!" First words outta your mouth, yet a couple sentences later, you make it clear that of course you are always seen around with young girls. Nobody wants to suffer a Maron attack. And nobody ever gives enough of a true shit about broken girls to risk themselves against you for the sake of that broken girl. So, between your hostility, and your ability to twist recovery words around so you can call yourself a codependent, you are left in the clear to go to the very fucking meetings that you damn well know many broken girls are guaranteed to be attending (or draw those broken girls in on social media or by hiring them, etc), prey on those girls under the pretense of helping/hiring them, all while knowing full well when you are ready for your next young girl, the broken girl you purposely went out to find in places you have no business being is going to be easy to call a lunatic, will get the blame for "using" you and you were just "too codependent" to say "no," and you do all of this because you are a predator who uses hostility and blame-shifting to keep anybody from calling you out for what your behavior really is.

You have zero problem with boundaries. You set them all the fucking time. And you buddy up to young broken girls in recovery. Those girls are talked about online in unkind ways. Apparently the ACOA groups will be under attack by you soon, if not already. You have a problem with preying on sexualized girls. 

Closed men-only SLAA. That is the truth." 

__________

"Heart Stung

Oct 20, 2022, 6:27 AM

Why in the fuck do I hit the fucking hornets' nest? Redacted name's bitten nails. 

I am redacted name in 24 years. I am every broken, sexualized, objectified child out there. What are you gonna do? Call me a lunatic slut? Send law enforcement to my door?  (🤞!!)  Pay someone to kill me? (That last one would remove me from this hellish life men like you created for me, so yeah, I'm quaking in my fuck-me thigh-highs)

You won't ever suffer any other consequences.  Nothing is ever going to happen to you.  Society, these girl's families, law enforcement, none of them are going to do anything to protect these girls you re-exploit.  So I will keep sending emails that speak the truth. Redacted name's bitten-nails hurt my heart more than ANY other fucking goddam thing this hornet's nest can do to me."

Problematic AA Issues

 I wrote a short series of emails to Mr. Maron regarding his misuse of AA and ACOA.  In order to try and make it personal to him, so he might understand better, I used people he has mentioned from his life, to set up some imagery, like I did in my recent Imagined Scenarios blog post.  I do not feel comfortable copying those names here, so I will simply condense this to the point I was trying to make.

AA is a group Mr. Maron speaks of, and attends. In his recent Dopey Podcast appearance, he spoke of deciding he now belongs in ACOA.   There are very damaged girls in these meetings he goes to, usually in very bad frames of mind, and they are often court ordered to attend such meetings.  Court Orderered.  As in, can be arrested for not attending.  Our legal system forces young damaged people to go to these very meetings,  where 13-stepping is "discouraged," but members like Mr. Maron constantly find and misuse very vulnerable girls at these meetings, and NO ONE can say one word. 

 Our court system needs to protect the people they order into meetings where Mr. Maron and others are free to prey on such people.  The girl in crisis last Oct was in recovery.

AA misuse

At some points, recently, Mr. Maron was complaining about what he implied were the old fashioned ideas in AA.  He mentioned their rate of success (every girl he has 13-stepped in the past 8 months that I am aware of is much worse now), and appeared to think those who have told him he is doing some things wrong by talking about AA publicly, are somehow mistaken.

Here are some of my responses:

"sultan of spin

Mar 14, 2023, 5:59 AM

jesus, maron way to spin you using recovery to exploit girls, as some sort of breaking free of old ideas in AA. If you don't think the 13th step was the first thing to take place in the first 12-step gatherings, you are delusional. What you do with AA to fuck up the minds of girls like redacted person and redacted person, and god-only-knows how many more girls, is the original, oldest reaction within AA members that exists.

New and profound? More like old and predatory."

__________

"I can agree...

Mar 14, 2023, 3:25 PM

"I can agree that if you talked about AA without 13-stepping broken girls in recovery, you might be doing not bad things. 100 percent of these broken girls you 13-step and sexually exploit, have had recovery defiled and perverted by you. That is fucked up and abusive."

__________

"MAR 10, 10:51 AM

You are a celebrity. You speak publicly of AA. (Big no no) You have made a living where you choose to joke about, target, and sexually exploit broken girls. Then you publicly berate those girls as "lunatics." Over and over. For decades. You interact with girls in 12-step, when you know damn well that 13-stepping ( BIG no no) is wrong. You sexually interact with your most broken, young girl fans, whom you groom to come after you. And you do nothing to protect the obviously endangered underage girls who respond to your public grooming. You endanger young female fans who have issues you know and understand well, and purposely target. You endanger sexually exploited children. This paragraph lays out exactly why your sexual behavior IS everyone's business. Every single parent of a child seeing your movies, every single person who supports your livelihood, has every fucking right to be protected from what you are publicly choosing to use your celebrity status to do to broken young fans in recovery, and broken girls suffering the effects from sexual trauma. You have chosen to behave as a predator toward your most vulnerable fans. Your sex life is damn well everyone's business, for just these reasons."

What Gets Stolen

During the last 8 months, I tried to find a way to explain all that gets stolen, when a sexually exploited child continues to be re-exploited by every adult/teacher/counselor/pastor/mentor they encounter as they develop.  This endeavor kept bringing me back to myself as the only example I could know well enough to use.  This was not fun.  I gave up what-iffing long ago.  It hurts.  And does me no good.  But in order to paint a picture of what all is truly being stolen every time a sexualized child is re-exploited, I kept having to be honest about where my understanding of this subject comes from.  It comes from knowing those things that came easier to me as I experienced new situations, like college, where I was allowed to try new things without interference from a predator trying to divert my focus with their grooming.  The following are three emails I hope might help others better understand that there are some large pieces of a fuller puzzle missing, when sexually exploited children never have a chance to escape the horrible cycle of re-exploitation.  

____________________

"Deal"

Nov 7, 2022, 10:18 PM

Wondering why I still send these? Wish I would leave you alone? Am I ruining your life, warping your mind, stealing your future, destroying your ability to trust, damaging your odds of enjoying a halfway decent existence? Am I taking away your first ever opportunity to see a comedian perform live, a comedian that made you laugh for the first time in three years? No? Didn't think so.

When I was 17, I found out another another victim of the principal had tried to kill herself. I realized that sweet girl could have died. Two other victims had come to the attention of school staff. People in the church were starting to talk. I was horrified to think of any of those girls being dead.  

The principal packed up his wife and kids, and moved to another area quite abruptly. He became the principal of the adventist academy there. I knew he was going to be fucking kids there. I realized I could not live with myself if I didn't try to keep any other girls from ending up like the one I knew. I called the president of the sda conference where I lived. 

When his secretary told him I was calling about a school in his conference, he took my call right away. He started asking me questions, with that tone of voice I know and understand much better now than I did in 1983. He said he could not protect other girls unless I was honest. He was the first, and last, human I ever spoke to in detail about things that happened between me and any abuser. We talked for a long ass time. I started to realize what his breathing and tone meant; mother fucker was jerkin it. I stopped talking. His voice got professional again, and he said that because the principal had moved to another conference, there was nothing he could do. 

I called the sda church where the principal had moved. I ended up speaking to the youth minister. I gave him a brief synopsis. Here is what he said: "If you try to call anyone down here saying those kinds of lies again, we will sue you for slander, and have you arrested for harassment."

I went out, got blackout drunk. A few months later, after realizing many at my local church were saying I was the bad person and I had caused the principal to sin, I set off for Kauai with 2 friends. We lived in tents on the north shore at Haena, Kalalau, and later down in Anahola.  My first full year never entering an sda church.  Also, the first time I felt an actual sense of spirituality, while standing on a cliff along the Na Pali coast, taking in indescribable beauty.

Why am I putting this all here? Because I know folks who say "Why didn't you tell?" I'm making sure you realize the truth. I did try to tell. I even called the police department where my father and pam and others put me through hell, to tell them what I had experienced, because it haunted me to think kids in that area were still being harmed. I was told by a detective that because I had always remembered all of it, the statute of limitations had run out on all my childhood abuse two years after my 18th birthday. I could do nothing.

In 2008-2010, I went to college for the first time, to get some vet tech training. As someone who barely graduated high school, it blew my mind (and everyone else) that I got a 4.0 all the way through, and my aptitude for physics/chemistry was kinda freaky. My chemistry professor told the whole class I was the first student in all his years of teaching who aced one of his finals. After that class, he asked me what degree I was getting. I said vet tech. He said, "No. Vet." With my history and credit score, I was never gonna get the loans for that, but it was nice to get encouragement from, instead of hit on by, a teacher.

Nobody gets anywhere playing "what if." But the truth is pretty simple to deduce. If predators had not fucked me up continuously from 2 on, my life would not look anything like the hell I've lived. Predators choose to do what they do. They choose to steal lives from children, from broken children. The broken children have no say, or even understanding, until they are in their 40's or 50's, if ever. It is all on the predators. I cannot change what happened. But if my father would have loved me, or simply cared as much about me as he cared about the paint jobs on his brand new pickups, if the principal had never preyed on broken children, who the fuck knows what I might be doing. With some ability to learn something besides sex, this dumb slut, who cannot even diagram a sentence, might have had books published. (My first short story in college was immediately published, and that professor read part of it on an NPR program in a nearby city, but the reaction of a number of people in my life to some dumb slut doing anything like "make good," was a bit scary. I do not need that kind of attention. I just want to be left the fuck alone.)

If you read these, you probably think I am bothering you, I am being a bitch. You stole my first chance in years to head into a holiday season with some sort of smile on my face. I wish I did not know about so well, or give a shit about, what predators are doing. I wish I could blindly laugh at your comedy, and brush aside the behavior that society does not care about. I am once again headed into dark winter. I am sick of predators choosing to break, and rebreak and break yet again, broken kids. I am sick of seeing it, understanding it, and living with it. I am sick of being ostracized by my family for acting like a "slut" since I was 5. I'm fucking sick of darkness, and I'm sick, having to miss your show because you have spent 30+ years creating hells for other broken girls just like me.

So, yeah, gonna head out for a bit. See ya in the funny papers.

____________________

"What if"

Feb 11, 2023, 11:56 AM

What ifs are apparently the stupidest form of questions that can be asked. I know that for me, personally, some of the most painful things I can think about are the realizations of how amazing my life might have been, and what potential might have been realized, when I ask myself "What if my father would have loved me?" I can't visit this question for any amount of time. It hurts too much, imagining the trajectory of my existence, if that one thing in my fucked up life would have been different. Fuck that question. It is irrelevant to my reality.

Looking at the pictures my friends have sent the past few days, looking back on the way things have gone since the moment that millennial came out of nowhere and put a Stephen King "Thinner"-type curse on me, thinking about the HBO special a friend and I will be watching in a few hours, this one question is blinking neon in my mind: What if maron had never made the choice to prey on broken girls?

god damn you, Marc. You have been given an amazing gift. You could be such an amazing human. You would shine so fucking bright, if.... You wouldn't be perfect. Nobody fuckin is. But take away your sexual predation, and you would be living a life full of good, decent, amazing human being-ness. If you had never decided that you were going to exploit young girls broken horribly by sexualization, every gift you were born to fulfill would be shining so bright, while being wrapped up in that most important human attribute, safe-ness. 

In rescue, some of the saddest moments are the moments when a dog is deemed unsafe. Such dogs, who but for horrible circumstances in their first years of abuse/neglect in their lives, could have been a loving part of a family. Thank goddess such dogs are rare. But when such dogs are proven to be irredeemably unsafe, they must be stopped. Unless a specialist like Cesar Milan is able to take in and keep all other living beings from being harmed by such a dog, a grindingly painful decision must be made. The dog is not at fault. It is simply incapable of understanding how to choose not to be unsafe.

You are not a dog. You could choose to stop preying on sexualized girls with BPD, girls in my group, damaged young girls who are part of my broken tribe. You refuse to admit how exploitive and abusive your behavior is. You do not give a fuck about the consequences others must suffer because of what you choose to do. You refuse to give a shit. You are incapable of caring about this group I belong to, at all.

As I watch your special later today, there will be a part of me that will catch glimpses of that lost potential marbled throughout the layers of you. And that part of me will think, "Damn. What if..."

____________________

"Just went there"

Apr 3, 2023, 12:05 PM

I just accidentally let my mind feel something I have very carefully avoided feeling, ever. I didn't mean to feel it right now. It happened because of what I wrote in my last email. I have skirted this issue, peered around corners of my mind at it, and let myself get close enough to write that poem, "High Noon" about it (refer to my email about restorative justice. It's in there.), and even viewed it a bit in a couple of emails I have sent you, but I have never let it fully hit me. Until now. I didn't even let it hit me. It just hit me, full force, no choice or preparation on my part. I let my mind do that most awful thing, where I fully finished imagining "what if." I felt, clear into the marrow of my fucking bones, how much better my life would have been, if one very simple, very easy, very natural human behavior had occured after my birth. I realized on a much deeper level how absolutely different my life would have been, would have felt for me and for my children, if my father would have loved me. That's not asking anything outrageous. That's something happens everyday, all over the world. But I let it finish playing out in my head. Fuckin hurt so much in my chest and head, right after I wrote these words:

"I will never know how I would have developed as a human, and what part sexuality would have played in my life, if I had not been sexualized from the age of about 2, on. I will never know who I might have been drawn to, what a more normal set of "first-time" experiences might have looked like, for me. I will never know if I would have been capable of a sustained relationship, and might, even now, be enjoying a decent life with a partner who I shared deep, committed life-long feelings with. At 2, all that was stolen, by my own flesh and blood father shoving his grown ass dick in a 2 yr-olds mouth. Gone. A whole fucking life. In one moment. And men like you just keep re-exploiting girls like me. And if one of these children somehow have some bodyguard like de Becker, or some therapist or other decent adult who helps that child get past the sexualization enough to have a more fulfilled life, men like you will see that as the child "exploiting " themself, instead of escaping the prison of a life lived like mine."  

(This last sentence was in reference to the previous email, where I brought to Mr. Maron's attention that during his recent podcast with her, he told Brooke Shields she was "exploiting herself" by becoming something other than the sex object men like Maron think of as the end-all, be-all, fully formed example of what female babies should want to aspire to grow up to become.  Brooke Shields was protected enough earlier on by people like Gavin de Becker, to be able to escape enough of her childhood sexualization to actually fulfill some of her potential.   She got to answer some of her "what ifs.")

"I can't help you feel how it just felt for me, to write out, and fully feel, the prison I am in, to this fucking day. If you could feel what it feels like, to be forever stuck on this porch where I stand, you would never re-exploit another broken girl again.

I wish I could use words to vulcan mindmeld."

Service

 

Oct 25, 2022, 7:36 AM

Listening to you and Jeremy Strong. Really good so far. You are discussing the service Jeremy's parents each gave. And I heard it again, a moment in your voice that I have heard before, where it seems like you wish you were doing some sort of service-type thing. I hope you waste no moments beating yourself up over that.

I'm not sure you realize the mitzvahs you perform on a daily basis. I will give you a couple of examples. First, I have worked in Shelter/Rescue/Spay-Neuter medicine for the last 14 years. (yeah, I'm more like Kit than you know.) There are people I run into every day who say, "Oh, I would love to help at the shelter, but it would break my heart to see all those animals. I would want to take them all home." Rescue workers often reply to this by saying there are many ways people can help other than volunteering at a shelter. There are 2 things that, if every household in the US simply did these 2 things, the population of stray/feral cats and dogs would be greatly reduced within a couple of years. If every household had their current pets altered, and if every household adopted one homeless cat or dog, that would be the greatest services that can be done. You have been doing both of those most important services for years. And as a person with a public platform, you have reached thousands of listeners by talking about your cats. I personally helped trap some feral cats on a woman's property years ago, and I remember she told me it was from "That Mr. Maron" on that "WWF" podcast that she learned what to do about those feral cats being dumped on her property. Our shelter workers knew about Boomer going missing all those years ago, and I remember one of us going online every morning to see if he was back. We all felt invested in that story and empathized with your pain. There is an equation that shows how many offspring one unaltered female cat, and each of her ongoing offspring, can produce in ten years. I have a shirt from FCCO with that equation on it, from the days I used to drive transport with 60+ cats from a shelter to be fixed at their facility. That same equation is also the number of potential cats who do not end up suffering, when a single cat gets altered. You have already personally saved millions of cats from being born into needless suffering, by fixing the cats you have had altered. Add up every person you inspired to fix their own pets, and you have done a huge amount of service for stray/feral cats. (Link to equation: The Feral Cat Equation — Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon:  Equation  )

The other mitzvah you do all of the time? You make people laugh. Better still, you help people push back at darkness by finding the humor in darkness. In this fucked up world, give me your comedy over 500 fucking sermons from some "christian" pulpit any day, to truly make the world a better place.

I am not trying to be cruel or snarky here, but there is truly one more service you could do. (You probably know what I will type.) You could stop re-abusing sexualized girls, and you could never flash any girl again. Those things cause horrendous damage. Nobody gets over doing those kinds of behaviors on their own. Please go to SLAA. It would be a huge service, for everyone.

Bumper Stickers

"Bumper Stickers"

Oct 23, 2022, 9:11 AM

So, maron, you ever get tired of assholes speaking like they are not racist or antisemitic, but you know, by simply listening to them closely, and observing how they consistently behave, noticing the confederate flag bumper sticker on their car, catching certain words and phrases they toss about, that they would be very comfortable at a proudboy gathering or kkk rally. Isn't it mind blowing how people you know, friends of yours, can listen to that same asshole, and tell you that you are wrong, that the asshole doesn't have a racist bone their body. People just walk around in denial, wallowing in their refusal to see truth, then have the temerity to appear shocked when a supermarket or synagogue is shot up, leaving broken lives and devastated families behind. I have heard you talk about some nice neighbor greeting you in a friendly way, but you are forced by circumstances in this country to wonder if that nice neighbor could come for you and take you by gunpoint to be placed in some sort of "camp" next week, if they were told to do it by assholes in power. It hurts, to have to realize that people you think are decent, people all around your neighborhood and within your country, could actually treat you or others you care about in such a terrible way.

It hurt my heart to have to realize that you, a gifted comedian I thought was a good guy, had no qualms about behaving like the principal. It hurt to know you had harmed many people just like me. Imagine that one neighbor who visited you and had you over after Lynn died, showing up one morning with a gun and some fucked up trump symbol sewn onto his jacket. That would hurt you, in your heart. In the end, it probably wouldn't surprise you much, because you are very aware of what humans are capable of. But it would still hurt.

It hurts, to remember how much joy and laughter I was experiencing this summer, how easily I believed you had a good heart, how it lightened my darkness to hear your description of mike pence at the second coming. Tears of fucking laughter! If the world is gonna end soon anyway, I wish putin woulda hit the button as I was thoroughly enjoying that scene. I could have been incinerated with a smile on my face, and an innocent enjoyment of a decent man's comedy.  

I miss viewing you that way. I can't enjoy you that way now. It's like I caught a glimpse of some bumper sticker that exposed what you really believe. That hurts.

Uncancellable

To wtfpod.com

Sep 9, 2022, 5:21 AM

Wondering how long you can expect to see these emails show up in your inbox? I guess you will discover how relentless some people with "daddy issues" can be, especially when they have to find out they purchased tickets to see a comedian who should have gone down in flames the first week of "Me,Too." Whitney Cummings phrased it perfectly. She said you'd never be cancelled. She didn't say you did not deserve to be cancelled. She didn't say you had never done anything cancellable. Just that you wouldn't get cancelled.  

So, I guess you can expect an email visit from me any random damn time, unless you turn these emails in to the FBI, or you get cancelled, or you have a moment of clarity and apologize publicly for the damage you have caused and get real help (ha haaaaaa!! See, I got jokes, too)

Funny how the purchase of tickets for an event that was supposed to give me a brief moment of happiness this holiday season, has turned into a millennial-learning-moment for me that made me see the "Me,Too" movement missed a number of you jerks, and has now given me a tiny bit of purpose. To every once in awhile let you know that while the rest of the world may ignore it, there is one person who knows exactly what you are doing. Not the best of purposes, but it'll do. Sometimes life does throw me a bone.

More later...

Taking a knee

 Apr 6, 2023, 2:59 AM

Colin Kaepernick got tired of watching police officers murder young men who looked like him. His first public reaction, from the platform afforded to him by his membership in pro football, was to remain seated during the national anthem, an anthem of a country where the assault and murder of people like Colin was being carried out regularly with zero repercussions. When a veteran talked to Colin about how he might be better able to bring attention to those atrocities while still honoring veterans, a group subjected to their own brand of suffering, Colin listened. He didn't have to listen to that veteran. But his desire for justice and respect came from a truly compassionate place, so Colin took that veteran's words to heart, and chose to make his stand in a beautiful way, a way that could do more to bring attention to a cause he felt deeply about. An important cause, where the lives of very real humans were being destroyed and stolen all the time, right in front of everyone's gaze. And nothing was being done to stop it. Colin's cause ended up being distorted and refocused at times, by those who don't care about that cause at all, or even enjoy seeing such atrocities continue. But Colin did make a difference. His reasoned out action of taking a knee brought attention to the systemic destruction of people who were part of the othered group that Colin belonged to. He found a way to get more people talking about systemic racism. It did not stop that racism, but it did help. His deeply felt need to stop the horrendous abuses that hurt his heart did shine more light on a hugely important issue, an issue where actual lives are in danger.

Broken children have their lives destroyed and stolen everyday. Their destruction is awful and pervasive and systemic, similar to racism. And nobody cares. I can't take the field and place my hand over my mouth anymore. I can't be forced to my knees in front of predators anymore. As more teen girls are killing themselves, I can't stay silent anymore. Self-harming and suicide rates are higher than they have ever been, in the younger members of the group I belong to. The re-exploitation of broken children is common place, and men like you publicly choose to do it with zero repercussions. Nobody is talking about this deadly important issue that destroys and steals lives.

You have a public platform. You have used it to continue re-exploiting broken children. You have, for these past 7 months, had an opportunity with my numerous emails here, to learn better, and do better. You have had a chance to make a difference, at least in your own behavior. There is no honor or grace in your heart. Only a desire to continue harming and endangering broken children. Your need to fuck girls with "BPD," with "daddy issues," is something you choose to continue doing. Your grooming of broken sexualized girls is such an obsession for you, you can't risk telling law enforcement about me, a person who is sending more than enough emails to you to get me investigated by law enforcement.   You have not sent one simple email telling me to stop, because after you got my next email, you would not be able to follow through with law enforcement.   Your email and social media dm history is not something you can afford having law enforcement sift through. That is how strong your predatory sexual addiction is.    

The group I belong to has no one like Rosa Parks who can take a stand as an honorable person who represents us.  Most of my group still under 40 dont have enough agency to know what is being done to, and stolen from, them in the first place.  This discussion about the re-exploitation of sexualized children won't get to be started with honorable acts like holding signs while crossing a bridge, or taking a knee with graceful resolve.  The very act of taking a knee holds zero grace for the group I belong to.  That's one of the first things that gets stolen from us.

Two emails. Brooke Shields

 "Her own words"

Apr 8, 2023, 6:21 AM

“That last scene in the movie where they are confident and free. They’re confident, they’re being listened to, I’m proud of them speaking their mind,” Shields said of her daughters in an interview with People on the red carpet of the documentary’s New York premiere. “They are young women who are already beginning to find their own agencies. It took me until practically today.”

Brooke's own words. There you have it, old man. Truth. Two adults, me, and now Brooke Shields, who were sexualized as children, have clearly stated that the "agency" word you used to describe young broken girls on "Not Cool," is the one thing sexualized children do NOT have.  Every sexualized child has ZERO agency. That IS what is stolen from every single child who is fucking sexualized. That is IT. That is the crux of why child exploitation is a truly horrendous crime. That is wtf I mean when I say that you will always know if a girl is a victim of child exploitation. Any, EVERY, girl who shows any interest in an old man like you, has experienced some form of sexualization.   Such girls have ZERO agency. They have been exploited sexually. A girl who has never been sexualized, who has been raised to start developing agency, will NEVER be interested in any adult your age who fucks broken girls. That is fucking goddam truth. And in your mind, you KNOW this. That is exactly why you go after broken children. Because you CAN.

"Flight"

Apr 8, 2023, 7:24 PM

I know your mind is quite capable of takin little flights off into weird spaces, inside that old head a yours. Mine does it, too. This afternoon took some strange twists and turns, landed me having a coupla bizarre and serendipitous convos with a few different folks. Somehow, I ended up back home sitting on my couch, where my mind went completely rogue on me. In the space of about 30 seconds, I imagined the absolute craziest scenario ever. I have no idea why in the fuck this came to me. I am tryin to shake these cobwebbed thoughts the fuck outta my brain. My head has lost its damn mind. Like to hear it? No? Oh well. Here it goes.

Imagine you, and Brooke Shields along with some of the women who spoke during her documentary, and maybe, I don't know, maybe some well known attorney who prosecuted that asshole doc nasser mf'er, all doing a WTF podcast regarding the growing epidemic of childhood sexualization. No, old man, this is not some trick scenario to fuck with your head. My mind seriously saw this, in a brief flash in my head. All I could think is how, since last Sept 1st, you have been getting a real onslaught of information, from Bradley Whitford, Brooke Shields, and of course, a never ending barrage from yours truly. Dude, you could be a real, honest to higher-power fucking hero. No, NOT one a those bullshit patriarchal motherfuckers who climbs some child's hair to rescue some goddam underage damned-to-hell damsel in distress. We have already established that you have ZERO business being in the vicinity of exploited children. No. I mean, you now have a much deeper understanding of how the actual fucking futures of innocent children are thrown under the giant wheels of predators. Gather up those people our age and older, with experience, like Brooke and Alice and those who have battled predators, like attorney David Slader in Portland, who was part of fighting the Catholic church. And Bradley Whitford, too. All those who understand well everything that is forever destroyed and erased with every child who is sexually exploited. Get these people talking. Get this conversation going. Jesus fucking christ, this conversation needs to goddam happen, right fucking now. You could make this happen. My mind fucking saw that group in your garage, in an imagined kinda panel, doing something truly heroic, truly worthwhile. For less than a full minute, my mind could envision such a group.

Okay, take all the time you need to laugh at the dumb slut in the PNW. But old man, you know I'm on to something. Come on, Maron, you know there is something good that could come from such a gathering, such a discussion, such a group of diverse humans who know exactly how much sexual exploitation of children damages such a large number of humans. Do something truly helpful. Call out those who act like you have, call on those who have personal insight, help end the lives stolen and destroyed by sexual exploitation and re-exploitation. 

Too crazy? Yeah, I know. Just my brain, seeing something that is not now, or never in the future, gonna stand an ice-chip's chance in hell of happening.