AA Old-timers. Self-control.

A slightly redacted email I sent to Mr. Maron last Oct.   This email included me using a young person in Mr. Maron's life whom he has decent familial-type care and concern for, as an example, to try and help Mr. Maron understand what is actually occurring every time he chooses to let himself treat other young girls in a manner he would be furious about, if any 50+ yr-old man chose to treat this young person he actually cares about in that same manner.

"Oct 22, 2022, 7:54 AM

I have no way of knowing how capable you are of true empathy for others.  I am hoping my words might give you a better porchview of the damage being done to the young members of my group. 

Old-timers in AA have the experience and knowledge and grasp of the jargon, and understand deeply the various issues that bring people into the program. They can talk about all of it in a way that will make others think they have wisdom, and keeps others from questioning anything about such old-timers' motives or outside-of-meeting behaviors.

When new/young people join AA/NA/ACOA, etc, it can safely be assumed that their life is not idyllic, otherwise they would not be there. In fact, they may legally have to go to such meetings or they can face jail time. The justice system of this country forces a percentage of AA members to be at such meetings.  No matter what the reason, though, it is rare to find any young/new members of the program who were out looking for fun, and instead of going to a party or an amusement park or a boardwalk with peers, decided to go to a meeting. Some bad shit will be happening in the lives of new/young members that will have forced them to be sitting in a chair, surrounded by other folks holding a bad cup of coffee in a chair, listening to others share and trying to find the courage to share. One thing can almost always be guaranteed about all new/young members: they are broken and they need truly decent help and encouragement, because their life is experiencing some very unhealthy twists and turns. Every new/young member is vulnerable, is messed up, is in need of real/actual/honest help, because they are living a slow-motion train wreck that will only get better if they are not derailed by old-timers misusing them and taking advantage of them. These young/new members do NOT need any relationships with grooming old-timers. Sex is never a part of the healing a new/young member needs.  And any other member who finagles/contrives/manipulates/coerces/swindles younger members into such relationships, by expertly twisting program words to make it look like that old-timer can fuck younger members, is the most dangerous predator in the room. God help every sexually exploited young person whose life is so fucked up they find themselves at AA, or are court-ordered to attend such meetings for any reason, and such a predator enters their circle.

Every sexualized and objectified young person alive is literally surrounded by untold numbers of predators, wherever that broken person may be standing on dry ground on this planet at any given moment. And the worst part of all is that broken people like this are broken specifically because they have no one protecting them, advocating for them, treating them in a completely platonic and honorable way, which is the EXACT example and treatment and protection they most need to be experiencing. Unless they experience such treatment, their lives will be a series of Marons, each one taking them further down the cesspool of hell they have been sentenced to since the first adult objectified or sexualized them as children. Unless they have a parent, or a guardian, or a teacher, or a mentor who will NEVER turn their relationship into something sexual, these broken children are banished to an ever-increasing hell.

You have 30 plus years of showing exactly how you view broken young girls. According to you, according to your own words, you are incapable of controlling yourself around such broken girls, you are incapable of setting boundaries with such broken girls, you are incapable of saying "no" to such broken girls.  You say you are unable to keep yourself from fucking such girls. If this is truly the case, you need to be locked up, because you have a very severe problem controlling your own body.  You have been repeating this pattern for over 30 years. But it isn't actually true when you say you "can't say no" to the girls who respond to your grooming.  You choose to groom them, and re-exploit them.  You can say no at any point, to anyone. You say "no" to many people, every day. You will eventually be saying "no" to that very girl you are currently re-exploiting, after you are tired of her, after you are done putting up with the broken behavior that after 30+ years, you know damn well every one of these broken girls is, by definition, going to exhibit. You will have no problem throwing them aside like some piece of trash, right at the moment that the crisis reaches the pinnacle you have set in motion the moment you befriended such a broken girl in the first place. They will be suicidal, and you will threaten to do whatever it is you threaten, to shut them the hell up because you are done using them, and they no longer matter. All of this, every fucking bit of it, is the quintessential definition of predatory behavior.

You truly need to stay away from young, broken females. That is your only decent option. You are a predator who needs to avoid using broken girls the same way you avoid drinking alcohol. The reasons are the only difference. You need to stay away from alcohol for your own sake, to protect yourself. You need to stay away from broken young girls for their sakes, so they can maybe find healing. You will never be a part of such healing. But that requires unselfishness, doesn't it, Maron? Are you capable of that? The actual life, the living-ness, of another human being, a human being who matters as much as you do, as much as your young family members matter, is what's on the line here. You are choosing whether to stop doing something that can quite literally cause the death of another human.

goddammit, Maron, can't you make the decent choice?"

What's wrong with me?

I was asked, "Why are you posting these?"  "What's wrong with you?."  And told, "It's time for you to shut up."

My reason for writing these is still what it was, on April 26.  

What's wrong with me?  Decades of watching those in my group being blamed and re-exploited over and over.  Knowing exactly what predators like my old adventist principal, predators like Marc Maron, are saying to con those younger members of my damaged group.  Witnessing both of these men claim to be helpful decent people who stand against the mistreatment and abuse of women, while leaving the minds of already horribly broken little girls much more damaged when they are done with those girls, and not caring at all.  Marc Maron has publicly been doing this for over 30 years.  He has spoken of these girls from the stage, laughing about how the symptoms for diagnosing BPD, symptoms first shown to Maron by an actual therapist, are symptoms that make for great sex, but the actual damaged human girl suffering behind those symptoms, is simply a "lunatic" Maron feels nothing for when he is done, and she is suicidal, pledging her love and begging him to recontact her in posts.  Harming herself.  Taking a picture of a gun in her possession.  Of course, on the Blocks podcast, he defended his behavior with the only thing he cares about:  it's all legal.

So, Maron's been publicly speaking of this behavior for 3 decades.  I have been speaking out against this behavior for 3 weeks.  I think I am the wrong one to be sent messages saying, "What's wrong with you?"  "It's time for you to shut up."

Teen suicide rates

Here is a recent article regarding the unprecedented rise in teen suicide:

Recent article

As girls continue to be sexualized and then blamed, while simultaneously being told that men like Marc Maron are safe, and are allies of females, this rate will continue to rise.  Girls will never be safe if we keep allowing predators/flashers free access to them with no consequences.  

Ally?

As I watch what ongoing behavior continues to occur, I may add a new post now and then.  Like this one, today.

Mr. Maron continues to post from his recent special, to his groomed audience on tiktok.  His last couple of posts are about abortion, an issue Mr. Maron uses to portray himself as an ally for women.  If one listens, and observes his behavior and words over time, those words and behavior tell a different story.

In referring to abortion, he has many times said it is a man's issue, because any man with "game" will have had to convince a girl at least once or twice to get one.  My teen children were provided with information and condoms, in order to learn responsibility.  "Game" had nothing to do with any of it.  Behaving as responsible adults was the goal I knew my kids needed.  

Mr. Maron makes it clear, in a number of places online, that he never uses any form of "protection."  Yet he continues to fuck girls with mental and emotional issues who are of child-bearing age.  A 59 yr-old man who does not want children, does not have "game," he has a real problem with being a responsible much older grandpa-aged adult.  His obvious responsible choice would be to have a vasectomy.  Much less invasive than anything females go thru during their child-bearing years.  

Lockerroom stories about "game," focusing on and grooming teens with serious issues from being sexualized as children, refusing to take any personal responsibility, all while portraying himself as an ally.  His victim with the gun has no ally in him, or in his followers who refuse to speak up for her.  

A Question

 I was standing in a Walmart, talking to a friend recently.  We were next to the "Baby girl," "Toddler girl," clothing department.  Something spoken of in the new documentary, "Pretty Baby," hit me.  I turned to my friend, pointed at a shelf full of clothing that once would have only been sold in places like Victoria's Secret, for all us adults to enjoy, and asked, "Why isn't this type of clothing mass marketed to little boys?"  Her response was immediate, and the look of disgust on her face was clear.

"Oh my God, that would make adult men see little boys as sexual."

Quite an answer.  The saddest thing to me?  She still doesn't realize what her answer said, what it means she and society view as an acceptable way to let others view cis girl babies and toddlers.

Waiting

 I was asked if I gave up, if that's why I stopped posting.  No. I said what I could say.  I have done what I could, to try and help current and future victims.  This ongoing problem is not something I have any other control over.  So now, I wait.

What do I think will happen?  That’s a two-parter.  First, I hope future potential victims will be protected, on sets, and in audiences, as well as elsewhere.  I have already been told that some people would not be upset to be subjected to the crime of indecent exposure.  I have actively using friends, who are not upset when someone comes over to them and offers to sell them some "blues."  Doesn't make that crime any less of a crime.  Indecent exposure is a crime, and it is harmful.  Parents I know most certainly don't want that crime being committed by people marketed to their children.  Each person signing on to work on a set, has every right to expect this crime will not happen to them on that set.  I hope such future potential victims are protected.  I hope Mr. Maron's sponsor and/or close friends can help encourage him to use the tools he knows well from AA, to bring an end to his behavior that harms and re-exploits others.  Lots of people, myself included, enjoy Mr. Maron's comedy.  I don't want Maron canceled.  I just want this specific harmful and illegal behavior to stop.  

Do I think this is what is going to happen?  Gotta be honest.  No, I don't.  I think Mr. Maron and a great number of his fans will laugh with him at my expense, and laugh at and encourage his harmful and illegal behavior toward other girls from my group.  And the whole point of these posts since April 26 will have been forgotten.  A hurting girl with serious issues has a gun, and was in crisis recently because Mr. Maron knowingly targets and grooms damaged girls with BPD.  To me, there is nothing about that I find humorous.   There's not a porchview in the world that could make me find that humorous. 

Many of Mr. Maron's fans think congress should be doing something about gun crimes.  But in this very situation, they may laugh about the damage this gun could do, simply because the girl it is most likely to harm is from a group that can be used, laughed at, looked down on, and thrown away.

Poster child

Someone asked me if I'm not doing a disservice to others who have experienced child sexual exploitation, and re-exploitation, by referring to myself as a "dumb slut."  I can clear that up, for those who might be thinking the same thing. Anything I say or do that is legit, like having a story published, or speaking up about a wrong I have witnessed, is often followed by somebody pointing out my past mistakes, which has tended to discredit whatever good thing I may have said or done.  My way of combating that is to be honest from the get go.  My history is full of behavior that others know about.  When my name comes up, those behaviors are often mentioned at some point, and anything decent I was saying or doing somehow gets erased when that happens.  This is what I meant, in earlier blog posts making it clear I am not someone like Colin Kaepernick. I'm not the face people want as a representative for any cause.  I am nobody's idea of a poster child.  My knowledge and education has been limited, and I have had many hook ups, which up until a few years ago, were often with people in committed relationships.  These are the two biggest things I have heard others use to discredit me over the years.  If I don't get those things out there up front, someone's damn sure gonna bring them up later.  So, I choose to make those aspects of my life clear, and I do it in the manner I have chosen.  I would rather be honest early, than have any past mistakes used to discredit something important I am trying to accomplish now.  

I am thankful to have been given a chance to answer this myself, instead of people deciding on their own why I am doing something.   

Some help

I know a lot about being misdefined by others.  I am happy to clear up some recent misdefinitions.  Here is a snip of one recent comment about my words:

"...just a fan who’s parasocial fantasy is going unfulfilled. It’s creepy.Don't go to Instagram. It's a mentally ill person rambling incoherently about child sexual abuse. They occasionally reference Marc, but it's clearly unhinged."

When writing, some things lend themselves to certain points of view.  I have an earlier post from years ago, where an assignment led me to write from 3 different view points.  No matter the point of view, all of the writing is from me.  I cannot know anyone else's point of view, I can only know what is occurring in front of me.  

I wrote my first email, after my millennial moment, entitled "Well, hell," because Mr. Maron has mentioned others contacting him regarding subjects that concerned them.  In that email, I explained why his referring to girls with BPD as lunatics who were fun to have sex with but otherwise crazy, was actually hurtful to girls with "daddy issues."  I know Maron does not tolerate fools well, but with a subject regarding mental illness, I did expect this to rate somewhere near his concern for not harming people by using the R word, or telling homophobic jokes, which was behavior he had decided to change when those harmed by such words reached out to him.

Once I realized this was not a subject he felt warranted any concern, my feelings came out on paper, as my feelings do.  I'm a writer. My style of writing can be defined as anyone wishes, but it simply is what it is.  I once wrote a poem about a heron flying over.  I described it in the manner I write.  If that manner appears to be parasocial or insane or "all over the place" to others, I guess I am not the writer for such people.

Do I know Mr. Maron?  No.  I do know his predatory behavior.  Well.  As do his victims.  Guitar players know his talent on a guitar.  Comedians know the work that goes into his profession. 

How I wrote about Mr. Maron's predatory behavior is my writing style.  If others choose to ascribe their own emotions onto my words, all I can do is remind them of the whole reason I made these public, which I have made clear a number of times here.   One of his current victims has suicidal ideation, and a gun.  That is why all of this, since April 26, has been posted here.  No other reason.

"I know from experience it's better stay away from such a disturbed person. Don't expose your brain to the toxicity."

"Hopefully he will block the person and the texts will go away."

"Agreed to hoping the person gets help. Zig zagging storylines all over the place."

You know what would help?  Stopping the behavior that causes harm, ending the hell that has created the writer I am. 

Awareness

 I appreciate being told I am doing something wrong by posting these words about child sexual exploitation and re-exploitation.   But I already know very well I am never supposed to speak of this subject.  It was probably the lesson most deeply embedded in me, on a couch, when I was five, and my Barney died because I said words I was not supposed to say.  (A Thousand Words.)  It is that moment my mind feels, every time I have hit "publish" or "post" or "share" or "tweet," these last eleven days.  

I am sorry that my words here cause unpleasant emotions for others.  I know I am forgetting my place.  I understand it is wrong for me to not just "get over it."  I  have gone to many people, educated and paid to help those who have experienced trauma.  I wish I didn't cause them to re-exploit me.  I did finally figure out how to keep that from happening.   No person in the mental health field will ever be "endangered" by me again.

I guess it is a mental defect that I can't just put out of my mind the current victims I am aware of.  I know it is not at all "normal" for me to not just "get over" things that I guess are easy for others to get over. I have to accept my mind is too weak to blot that shit out.  I mentioned one of those things I can't forget, in an email to Mr. Maron:

"Sep 23, 2022, 1:28 PM

There is a very good chance the photos and 8mm movies taken by my stepmom in the 70's are shared online between pedophiles to this day. Old child porn is highly prized and sought after by chomos. There is nothing I can do about that but live with the infinitely painful knowledge of what is out there. I have learned to live with a kind of hell you can never conceive of, all because grown ass men like you think young girls are 'asking for it.'" 

Protection

Tiktok removed my ability to tag NAMI.   I can still tag users posting about racist or misogynistic subjects, things like that.

Guess that platform can protect its users from subjects deemed harmful.  I was unaware. Comforting to know.

Edited to add that I completely understand any individual who opts out of being tagged in posts about this subject matter.   It is not a pleasant or accepted matter to discuss.   But NAMI has specifically asked me to share their contact information with any potential victims.