AA Old-timers. Self-control.

A slightly redacted email I sent to Mr. Maron last Oct.   This email included me using a young person in Mr. Maron's life whom he has decent familial-type care and concern for, as an example, to try and help Mr. Maron understand what is actually occurring every time he chooses to let himself treat other young girls in a manner he would be furious about, if any 50+ yr-old man chose to treat this young person he actually cares about in that same manner.

"Oct 22, 2022, 7:54 AM

I have no way of knowing how capable you are of true empathy for others.  I am hoping my words might give you a better porchview of the damage being done to the young members of my group. 

Old-timers in AA have the experience and knowledge and grasp of the jargon, and understand deeply the various issues that bring people into the program. They can talk about all of it in a way that will make others think they have wisdom, and keeps others from questioning anything about such old-timers' motives or outside-of-meeting behaviors.

When new/young people join AA/NA/ACOA, etc, it can safely be assumed that their life is not idyllic, otherwise they would not be there. In fact, they may legally have to go to such meetings or they can face jail time. The justice system of this country forces a percentage of AA members to be at such meetings.  No matter what the reason, though, it is rare to find any young/new members of the program who were out looking for fun, and instead of going to a party or an amusement park or a boardwalk with peers, decided to go to a meeting. Some bad shit will be happening in the lives of new/young members that will have forced them to be sitting in a chair, surrounded by other folks holding a bad cup of coffee in a chair, listening to others share and trying to find the courage to share. One thing can almost always be guaranteed about all new/young members: they are broken and they need truly decent help and encouragement, because their life is experiencing some very unhealthy twists and turns. Every new/young member is vulnerable, is messed up, is in need of real/actual/honest help, because they are living a slow-motion train wreck that will only get better if they are not derailed by old-timers misusing them and taking advantage of them. These young/new members do NOT need any relationships with grooming old-timers. Sex is never a part of the healing a new/young member needs.  And any other member who finagles/contrives/manipulates/coerces/swindles younger members into such relationships, by expertly twisting program words to make it look like that old-timer can fuck younger members, is the most dangerous predator in the room. God help every sexually exploited young person whose life is so fucked up they find themselves at AA, or are court-ordered to attend such meetings for any reason, and such a predator enters their circle.

Every sexualized and objectified young person alive is literally surrounded by untold numbers of predators, wherever that broken person may be standing on dry ground on this planet at any given moment. And the worst part of all is that broken people like this are broken specifically because they have no one protecting them, advocating for them, treating them in a completely platonic and honorable way, which is the EXACT example and treatment and protection they most need to be experiencing. Unless they experience such treatment, their lives will be a series of Marons, each one taking them further down the cesspool of hell they have been sentenced to since the first adult objectified or sexualized them as children. Unless they have a parent, or a guardian, or a teacher, or a mentor who will NEVER turn their relationship into something sexual, these broken children are banished to an ever-increasing hell.

You have 30 plus years of showing exactly how you view broken young girls. According to you, according to your own words, you are incapable of controlling yourself around such broken girls, you are incapable of setting boundaries with such broken girls, you are incapable of saying "no" to such broken girls.  You say you are unable to keep yourself from fucking such girls. If this is truly the case, you need to be locked up, because you have a very severe problem controlling your own body.  You have been repeating this pattern for over 30 years. But it isn't actually true when you say you "can't say no" to the girls who respond to your grooming.  You choose to groom them, and re-exploit them.  You can say no at any point, to anyone. You say "no" to many people, every day. You will eventually be saying "no" to that very girl you are currently re-exploiting, after you are tired of her, after you are done putting up with the broken behavior that after 30+ years, you know damn well every one of these broken girls is, by definition, going to exhibit. You will have no problem throwing them aside like some piece of trash, right at the moment that the crisis reaches the pinnacle you have set in motion the moment you befriended such a broken girl in the first place. They will be suicidal, and you will threaten to do whatever it is you threaten, to shut them the hell up because you are done using them, and they no longer matter. All of this, every fucking bit of it, is the quintessential definition of predatory behavior.

You truly need to stay away from young, broken females. That is your only decent option. You are a predator who needs to avoid using broken girls the same way you avoid drinking alcohol. The reasons are the only difference. You need to stay away from alcohol for your own sake, to protect yourself. You need to stay away from broken young girls for their sakes, so they can maybe find healing. You will never be a part of such healing. But that requires unselfishness, doesn't it, Maron? Are you capable of that? The actual life, the living-ness, of another human being, a human being who matters as much as you do, as much as your young family members matter, is what's on the line here. You are choosing whether to stop doing something that can quite literally cause the death of another human.

goddammit, Maron, can't you make the decent choice?"