A Break

 This is me, just trying to decompress.  The last 7 days have been stressful in new ways for me.  Prolly not supposed to admit that.  But the last post made me have to re-feel the stress of wondering if I would have to know a girl had killed herself because of a comedian, and I hadn't done enough to keep it from happening.

I didn't want any of these last 8 months.  I tried to pass it off to others, those who have more tools.  I don't think those others could understand like I do.  Or maybe my written communication skills have dropped over this past 8 months.  Tonight I am exhausted.  But I can't sleep.  

I swear to god, if anyone tries to tell me I am doing this for any fucking selfish reasons, I'm gonna wish I could take everything I am feeling at this moment,  and have felt this last 8 months, and just drop that shit right into their heads.

The worst part is knowing damn well nothin is gonna come outta this.  Nothin.  Goddammit, this pain being shoved onto these damaged young lives by maron and other predators is so fuckin wrong.  But he'll just keep smiling, reading a book about turkeys to children in a video shown in our public school system.  In a couple years, some of the kids who saw that video last Thanksgiving may very well be in a crisis like I just described in my last post, brought on by the very man their school first introduced them to.  And those suicidal kids will be blamed.

Can't we do better than this, for the kids being abused this second?  A 59 yr old man cannot be less to blame than the girl with the AMT Backup.  She was only 12 or so when maron taped that turkey story.  How can she, how can any damaged child, be more to blame than a 59 yr-old man who's been doing this for decades?

I don't understand.