All emails written by me to wtfpod.com are my words, created solely by me, and as such, will not be published by anyone without negotiating payment. I'd say about a million dollars to NAMI would be a good start.
Monday, May 1, 2023
Somewhere tonight...
...are 2 different girls who are experiencing emotional damage. One has a gun, and the man who left her suicidal recently, had to calm her down by reconnecting with her, because I knew what was happening, and if he didn't calm her down, he suddenly realized he could now get in trouble, if she harmed herself. Meanwhile, another girl, who was simply following covid cleaning protocol on the set of a show about to be released, has to deal with the indecent exposure a rising-in-popularity comedian perpetrated on her last summer, and never had to answer for. (Maron, you readin' this? For god's sake don't try to contact her. Hear me, motherfucker?! The last thing she needs is any more of you.)
Oh, there's a 3rd girl, too, the one in crisis last Oct. He reconnected with her back then, so he wouldn't be exposed by her escalating crisis. She is now happily interacting on his Instagram posts again. Goddess help her, unless he plans on hookin' up permanent, she's just gonna go through all of it again.
As is the one with an AMT Backup in her possession.
Oh well, it's all legal, right? Their fault. Not his.
Who's smiling now
Here are two teens.
School system wonders what they can do. Maybe stop showing Thanksgiving readings by people little children will see as safe. Kids are never safe when predators are marketed to them. Leave drag queens the hell alone. Children learn who to trust from those they have marketed to them.
Any fathers of little girls, if you see your daughter drawing Mr. Snake to send to the man who voices him, stop and sit with that for awhile. (Imagine the smile on Maron's face as he reads that last sentence, too.) See, that thing you're feeling, that's what everyone should be feeling about children being taught that predators like Mr. Maron are safe. Every parent or guardian needs to sit with this thought.
That fucking sda principal is in his element right now. jesus...
Time plus behavior
That grooming post is still right there, drawing in those children. Just as his book-reading will be put out before Thanksgiving. While drag queen bookreadings are the ones being shut down. He is already fucking girls who were still children when he first made that turkey reading just a couple years back. Nobody's gonna care. In fact, they'll probably enjoy knowing it hurts that bitch who dared to speak up.
That grooming post was Mr. Maron's first post after he read my email "Well, hell." I guess I gotta admit that was his response to my earnest email, an email sent while I still believed he wasn't aware of the damage he was doing.
I know he is covering his ass. I know he is still gonna get away with everything he's been doing. (You know why? Because he can. ) I also know his real heart. Because I hurt my emotional and mental well-being for the last 8 months, trying to reach that heart, and only when he's finally in danger of authorities getting into his online accounts, is he gonna act like he is trying to do something about this mess.
Time plus behavior, old man.
Mr. Maron
Great of you to finally respond with that reel. Sad some of my most pain-filled, personal posts over this past 8 months, trying to reach your heart, did nothing. Only when I put myself in a fucking public light, where I will receive all kinds of sick messages and emails, did you react in any manner at all.
Hope nobody's expecting me to kiss the ground you walk on now. Eight months of hell...
But yeah, I am glad for the reel. My group needs whatever crumbs get thrown their way.
Keepin' it reel
Since my millennial moment in Aug of 2022, when I mentioned to Mr. Maron never putting a warning anywhere, or letting authorities know that his underage followers were being approached on his posts by fake Maron accounts, he did post a couple of IG Stories, warning folks away from those accounts. I am glad to see he posted something a bit more substantial in a reel today. Those making jokes about his warning must not have seen 2 recent news stories about young teen girls being kidnapped, raped, and locked up, by men who were able to get to them online. One was found in a shed. That IG warning is more important than Mr. Maron, or his fans, seem to realize. Do they realize where those girls will be in a couple years? Actually, they'll probably be getting fucked by old predators, and blamed for how someone fucked up their head as a child, because no one was protecting them online.
Truly is no wonder teen girls are self-harming and killing themselves at higher rates.
It was important to stop using using the R word, because of how it made people feel. It was important to stop telling homophobic jokes, because their lives were in danger, and their suicide rate was so high.
I wish sexualized children could escape being exploited and laughed at. I wish I didn't have to be a goddam squeaky wheel to get an Instagram Reel put up, because I finally found the right combination of words to make it happen.
The Shack, Porchview
The following will be excerpts from a number of emails where I was expressing some of the admiration I still found myself able to sense for Mr. Maron, even though I had discovered he was a person who had purposely re-exploited broken girls who were part of the group I belong to. I think the biggest reason I was able to do this, was because I was not personally harmed by his behavior. Oh, his behavior did hurt my heart, and once he was aware of me asking him to reconsider the damage he chose to do to this group, it wasn't pleasant to find out he did not care about those of us in this group. But I still found myself able to implement some internal tools I had been practicing the use of over the years. Anyone who thinks this sort of compartmentalization makes me sound crazy, do you think anyone in my place could be anything but?
_______________
Punching down
Sep 11, 2022, 8:37 AM
“There’s plenty of people being funny right now. Not only being funny but being really fucking funny,” said Maron. “There are still lines to be rode. If you like to ride a line, you can still ride a line. If you want to take chances, you can still take chances. Really, the only thing that’s off the table, culturally, at this juncture –and not even entirely– is shamelessly punching down for the sheer joy of hurting people. For the sheer excitement and laughter that some people get from causing people pain, from making people uncomfortable, from making people feel excluded. Y’know, that excitement.”
"if you can’t punch up, punch sideways, or punch yourself in the face over and over. Both tried and true comedy approaches.
"If you can't make jokes without hurting people, maybe you're no good at it."
(All 3 are Maron quotes)
Some examples of a healthy approach to defining what is funny, and what is not. Remember my first email to you after I let your behavior show me who you really were? "Sweet Spot?" A person of character would try to follow the above quotes in all circumstances where specific groups are being hurt, even if there are groups that are still culturally "okay" to harm, like say, sexually exploited children. They are still the perfect group to harm.
... I do not foresee this group ever receiving different treatment. This group is so broken and warped by how they view their worth and place in society, that they are not able to see for themselves the truth about how they are being harmed and mis-defined and mistreated until they reach their 40's or 50's, and that's only if they are lucky enough to live that long without destroying their minds with substances, being murdered or dying from diseases or overdoses, or killing themselves. This group becomes part of the "oldest profession," this group is often blamed and experiences capital punishment around the world to this day, for being broken. Men can legally still marry children in parts of this country as long as that child's parents sign the dotted line. Of course, in other countries, children are routinely handed off to old men at the age of 9 or younger with the blessing of the government. But it happens illegally right here in the USA, too. I was raped when I was 5. By the time I was 13, and that fucking adventist principal got ahold of me, I behaved in a manner that made it easy for the sda church to blame me.
There is a decent human buried inside of you. I have no clue what, if anything, can ever help you find a way to bring that decency out of yourself on your own. You would have to want to change that behavior before you could even begin to change. I have never personally witnessed any predator choose to do that kind of self-improvement.
______________
The Shack
Sep 11, 2022, 11:22 PM
Mr. Maron,
I spent a lot of years carrying hate for myself, my father, and others. An assembly of god minister tried to counsel me that I needed to experience a one-time moment of forgiveness for my father, or I would go to hell. (That minister fucked me in his church office a few sessions later...)
I never experienced a single, one time, profound moment of forgiveness, but the movie "The Shack" has a scene where Graham Greene explains how forgiveness is a decision to let go of the pain every time it comes up, as it will. I have learned to practice this, although it is sometimes harder to do than others.
There is a picture of my father when he was around 3, and I saw that picture for the first time a few years back. Because of another scene in The Shack, I was able to focus on that image of my father, and think of that child while once again letting go of my anger and pain. In that photo, I see the humanity in my father. I do not like the churchy part of The Shack, and I could not finish the book at all, but that movie helped me a lot with my practice of forgiveness.
I think I have been practicing this kind of forgiveness too long, though, because I keep seeing that moment when you enter the stage in End Times Fun, when you were experiencing actual love with an equal peer, not predatory exploitation of a very unstable, broken, immature malformed girl, and a part of my mind nudges me to let go of my anger at you for your harmful words and behavior, and let go of my anger at myself for enjoying your comedy. You are a gifted comedian. Of course I enjoyed finding a reason to laugh after 3+ years of no laughter at all. I can forgive myself for not deciding on my own to do a deep dive online into your beliefs and behaviors. I just enjoyed laughing again. You did give me back laughter.
See, my dumbass is telling me I have hit you with enough anger. Any more hitting on my part will become me, punching down. Which I can't see how that is true, because I can't see any area in this life that I am in any position over you where I could be punching down toward you at all. But I think, for the moment, I should let go of aiming to hit with sarcasm or anger. Of course, I suppose tomorrow could bring new behavior by you that will change this, but for this moment, I am letting go of my desire to write with anger.
Sigh Lentz
_____________
(an email right before "Imagined Scenarios,)
Sep 17, 2022, 9:25 AM
Mr. Maron,
Your interview with Bradley Whitford was so good. An amazing example of using humor to help dilute and weaken pain, all while honoring the humanity of the one who carries that pain.
Your Bradley Whitford interview is an example of why a part of me cannot commit completely to the idea that you are a hopeless predator. A part of me is going to remain convinced that you do have decency within you, until your behavior proves otherwise. You have either got that decency somewhere in you, or you are so narcissistic that you know exactly what to do and say in situations, like your interview with Bradley Whitford, to make it look like you have that decency in you, just to keep everyone snowed. Only time plus behavior ever proves things like this.
I am doing something very out of character for me, in sending any of these emails to somebody like you. Normally, I waste no time on people who exhibit predatory behavior (or racist behavior, or sexist behavior, etc). I usually know that doing something like this is a waste of time and energy, like trying to argue with a trump follower. In the middle of being committed to following your behavior and calling you out on predatory shit, I am now trying to understand what it is that is driving me to do this. Why? I have no real clue, yet.
______________
When Mr. Whitford spoke about the abuse he had experienced, I was filled with 2 simultaneous emotions: Absolute heartbreak for the voice of the child whose pain I could clearly hear in Mr. Whitford's voice, and expectant terror for the response I knew might come out of your mouth. I was so afraid you would say the words a lot of adult male survivors of child sexual abuse have heard. Some form of, "Oh dude, a Hot For Teacher moment! Was she hot?! You lucky dog."
I know a lot of sexual abuse survivors, male and female and gender fluid. (One of my worst childhood memories is the rape of a little boy) In a patriarchy, female survivors get shame and blame, male survivors of adult male abuse must hide it or risk being tormented by homophobic slurs, but male survivors of adult female abuse are often greeted with the responses I typed above, if such survivors ever try to talk about their abuse to anyone at all. They are forced to push down any pain, and try to act like it was all good. This kind of damage can create all kinds of issues in surviving males.
I am sure you are thinking something like, "Who the hell is this fucking cunt who keeps dumping this shit in my wtf email box?" I am the consequences. You know, how every comedian is free to say anything, but they must be ready to live with the consequences. This is the consequences of you, doubling down in 2018 on your harmful jokes from earlier in your career, and your terrible behavior for decades, which I had to realize is ongoing, when my heart broke over those bitten nails. A lifetime of pain you know nothing about, plus a drive to write because I was verbally silenced by the death of my kitten when I was 5, so the only way I can get shit out of myself is by writing, is the reason you are getting these emails. Is it unfair that you are getting the brunt of this from me? Not nearly as unfair as the damage you have done with your words and behavior.
You really may have a decency in your heart that leaks out in moments like your conversation with Bradley Whitford. You may really not understand how the patriarchy created in you the blame and misuse of female children/youth that you have made clear is something you think all men have a desire for, and are free to act on. Nobody may have found a way to open your eyes about all of this, yet. I don't get the sense my approach is helping.
_______________
A Real wish
Sep 27, 2022, 7:07 AM
I despise your jokes about and predatory re-exploitation of broken girls, but I am good at separating art from the behavior of the artist. People who are dicks just to be dicks are assholes. It was hilarious how Charlie was fiercely terrorizing your hand as you joked about his demise on the ADYC live fundraiser. In truth, it makes me a bit sad that so much comedic talent and timing has been overshadowed for me by your misuse of broken girls. I will always know you are a gifted comedian.
My wish, on this day that commemorates the birth of one with such a gift, is that you could find the strength to admit this behavior, and combat the predatory part of yourself through the 12 steps to stop harming others. Of course, I wish for world peace and the end of domestic animals living as strays and ferals. These are all wishes I have no control over. But you have control over the first one.
I guess my real wish is that you would want to change your harmful behavior.
______________
Do you realize, if you ever took yourself to task and admitted your exploitation of broken girls and became accountable and stopped that behavior, there is a wealth of humor you could use to shine light on predators without harming victims? If I can find humor in that shit, you could do it so much fucking better. You could turn your old, predatorial, abusively inappropriate jokes into some great material. Here is something I thought of recently, after someone showed me a quote from one of your interviews. In the quote, you say "Crying blow jobs, that's so hot." My first thought was "I'll give you a crying bj. Here, let me introduce you to Lorena Bobbitt." You are missing out on a world of humor when it comes to predators. Instead of exploiting broken girls, you could help others see the cruelty of re-exploitation by slamming asshole predators.
Know better. Do better. Mind your fucking mind.
________________
We agree
Oct 9, 2022, 10:19 AM
You have the potential to be recognized for your honorable gifts. Talent galore in you, and not just comedic. Would you really let the predatory part of yourself tarnish all that? Wouldn't you rather add the ability to learn and grow to your list of gifts? Show everyone that re-exploiting broken girls is wrong. Show everyone that you are capable of change, and not just change that benefits you.
If you think these emails are fucking nuts, and you know I am an idiot for encouraging you to change behavior you are never gonna change, trust me, I am 100 percent in agreement with you on this.
________________
slaa
Oct 15, 2022, 8:36 AM
Maron,
Yeah, I took the time to capitalize your name. And yes, I refuse to take the time to capitalize the names of people who I feel are continuing to live out their cruel/abusive/racist/sexist/homophobic/misogynistic/predatorial behavior without doing anything to correct their abusive behavior. I am a dyslexic typist who truly uses one fucking finger to type. I hate texts and emails, although I have learned to communicate using a keyboard semi-successfully over the past 19 years. I decided early on not to take the time to do the extra step of capitalizing when it is a name like say, hitler, or trump, or marjorie taylor green. Once I learned to text/email on my phone, I had to learn to take the extra time to not let my android capitalize names of people I refuse to show respect for, which I found hilarious and ironic. Today, I am on my pc, so I did actually take the time to capitalize your name. We will see for how many emails this lasts...
Life threw me a weird bone with you. It is a bone that stinks and hurts to chew on, but it's the fucking bone in front of me, so I am stuck with this shit. But I can't chew too much without taking a mental health break once in awhile, if you follow how my mind drifts.
Nothing else to say. That is all
_______________
Porch view, pt. 1 and 2
Oct 21, 2022, 10:39 PM
In To Kill a Mockingbird, the moment at the end of the book is my favorite part. Scout walks with Boo Radley back to his house. They climb up Boo's front steps, and he enters his home. Scout turns to leave, and stops to look around before stepping down from the porch. She surveys this neighborhood she grew up in, and realizes something. From Boo's front porch, this neighborhood she knows better than any other place on earth, looks different. She realizes she is seeing her neighborhood through Boo's eyes. Ever since I read this book the first time when I was fifteen, I have always tried to remind myself that every person is seeing the world from a different porch. If I am communicating with someone else or listening to somebody describe their opinion about something, I will try to slip up the steps of the front porch that resides behind that person's eyes, and maybe catch a glimpse of the view they see. It is not always easy, and with people like trump, or paul ryan, or lauren boebert, or rush limbaugh, I cannot do it at all. But with quite a few people, I can sometimes get little bits and pieces of the way things look from their porch.
...please go to SLAA, and stop re-breaking broken girls. Men-only SLAA. Please.
Rabbit Holes, and a goddam rant
After I sent "Well, hell," it was quickly apparent to me that Mr. Maron was not going to have any change-of-heart "R" word reaction to that email, at least not for a member of the group I belong to, the "lunatics" with "daddy issues" he targets, otherwise known as child sexual abuse victims. As I viewed his newest post on tiktok right after I sent "Well, hell," I went about 3 days unable to eat anything. I watched, quite literally, hundreds of apparently underage girls respond to the most blatant example of grooming I have found on the internet to this day. (I'm quite sure there is worse. I'm simply done going anywhere that shit might be.) A post, which would have been great for the adult audience Mr. Maron is well-suited for and once seemed to be marketed to, horrified me for today's children, as it played to a majority underage platform, and quickly drew in hundreds of the very responses such grooming is meant to draw in. The number of fake "maron" accounts that jumped into the comment section of that post was chilling. As those fake accounts chased after the underage girls who were responding under that post, I finally understood why little children are being abducted and exploited all the time now. I thought these children were being drawn sneakily into some "Dark Web," where predators were carefully hiding their nefarious behavior. I didn't know it is all right there, in front of god and everyone, with apparently oblivious adult Maron fans posting right above or below some underage profile asking Mr. Maron if he got the pics they sent him, followed by some apparent Maron-imposter trying to tell the underage girl that those pics needed to be sent to Maron's "private account." Think I'm bullshitting? Then you haven't been paying attention to tiktok. I took a few screen shots of some of the underage girls' responses, some of the earlier responses, which were hidden or removed within a day or two, but more replaced them quicker than they dissappeared. I revisited that post for almost 3 days, but it became too hard to sift through the thousands of comments. Ultimately, I had to stop returning to that thread. My chest hurt too much. I don't know when Americans decided to let every child be devoured like I once was, but you all are miserably failing your children. Don't believe me? The post is still there. His most viewed one. 'Course, replies may have been moderated by whoever now runs Maron's tiktok. And hilariously, me a dumb slut who raised her own kids in a manner that was once seen as radically permissive, will probably be called a prude-ass-karen, for even posting about this at all. What the fuck got put in America's water? When did this bullshit happen? We don't need bible bullshit, we don't need to burn or change any books. We just gotta point out the REAL predators, and keep them the hell away from our kids. Has no one learned anything? The whole reason my paternal family predecessors had sexual abuse running thru that family like the Amazon, is because sexual behavior by adults toward children was ignored, never spoken of, and allowed. That's why I went thru hell. Is that what everyone is back to accepting now? (How long was I truly away? I thought I was offline for about 3 years. Feels like it musta been decades.) We just need to keep adults from grooming and harming children. (When the fuck did I become somebody that could be called a conservative karen? Nobody who knows me would ever believe this...)
I haven't visited that post again. Too fucked up. I thought things were better since the days when it felt like it was mostly conservative church goers who were offering their children up to predators without batting an eye. Now, it's spread faster and farther than covid, and I can find no one trying to stop it, not even on capital hill during the recent tiktok hearings. Whatever their reasons were, I never once heard this shit talked about. Was anything there that got discussed actually more important than keeping kids from growing up like I had to?
Hopping back down into this rabbit hole rant with a quick edit. Nowhere in this post do I say any platform should be banned. I say children should be protected from predators. Big difference.
AA, 12-step, 13-stepping, Anonymous
I was court ordered to attend 20 AA meetings back in the mid '90's. At my first such meeting, I had a man immediately start trying to interact with me. He said his many years' experience made him a reliable sponsor, and he thought he could help me. Later that evening, while I was outside smoking, a couple of female members caught up with me and told me about the 13th step. Over the years since then, as I pinpointed and admitted my area of addiction, I attended SAA meetings in an urban area hours from where I lived. I have lots of friends and family in different 12-step and recovery groups. Two of the best things I memorized and have found to be consistently reliable have come from such meetings. First, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. And second, time plus behavior equals truth.
Here are a couple of emails I sent to wtfpod.com, changed enough to protect identifying people and places.
"you know this, right?"
Oct 17, 2022, 8:14 AM
A group I went to for awhile in a nearby area (there is nothing safe or anonymous about most mixed Anonymous meetings in the rural area around me that I tried to attend years ago, so I had to hit meetings elsewhere), an older woman who had been working the steps for years spoke truth to me. It helped me take the time to make myself focus on that moment when I was 7, and my mom was weeping, once again, over my father's philandering. That woman in the meeting spoke truth like I had never heard before. Later, while having an after-meeting smoke with another member, I was told the truth-speaking woman had not followed guidelines by how she spoke to me. So I know what I am about to write here might not be viewed as correct. But I am going to type to you very similar words to the ones that woman spoke to me.
Are you one of those AA members who finds ways to rationalize relationships with young female AA members by befriending or sponsoring them, even though AA discourages this? I cannot tell you how many men in various Anonymous groups have tried to worm their way into my life by doing exactly that. Sorry to sound all preachy and shit, but I like truth, and the truth is, you need to never be involved in supporting in any way, shape, or form, any broken females, ever, for any damn thing that will involve you privately communicating with that female. (You also probably might think about hiring household employees who are exclusively male, too, as you appear to be unable to stop yourself from exploiting a number of your female employees...) You have actually publicly made it clear for years that you have a real problem with how you view your dick, how you view broken girls, how you view females in general as humans, and how you view sex. I can rehear you, in the Dopey podcast, trying to keep the definition of "predator" away from your behavior. You want your behavior to be defined as "codependency." Well sure, codependency goes on in your life. But you do not get to shine up a shit pile with snake oil. You purposely target broken girls, very young females who have been sexualized and objectified by those around them who should have treated them in a manner that helps them not become fucked up adults. There is nothing codependent between you and a sexualized girl. That is a predatorial relationship. You go looking for those girls. You have publicly spoken about doing that. On stage and on late night shows, you bragged about doing this. You groom, dogwhistle, and encourage them to come near. Constantly. You need to stop lying to yourself that you are ever capable of caring for broken girls. There was, and is, never a moment of equality or compassion or anything else decent in those interactions you purposely create with broken girls. The last thing you need is someone insinuating themselves into your life and subtly getting you to drink. Sexualized girls are not made better when an older AA member grooms them to have sex.
Predators who cannot say no to their sexual impulses that cause damage to those young enough to be their children or grandchildren, need to stick with closed, SLAA groups. Such predators try to reframe and redefine their addiction to avoid doing this. You want to go to ACOA groups, yet another 12-step group full of broken girls you know damn well you will fuck. That is a very real threat to the mental health of broken females. Just since September of 2020, you have groomed, re-exploited, and left suicidal, 3 girls that I am aware of.
You need to admit this shit. Actual lives are at risk as long as you are not honest.
Gonna go have a smoke, as if I am exiting the basement where a meeting just ended. And perhaps feel like this was an especially wasted email as I smoke. Fucking hell, Maron, quit harming broken girls with your internal rationalizations and lies. Those broken girls already deal with more than enough hell.
________________
Truth
Oct 18, 2022, 11:47 AM
"You can't handle the truth!"
Yeah, I know. Fucking cliche. Still, a memorable line. Whenever I bring up the image of that truth-telling SAA woman in my mind, I hear this line in my head. She never said these words, but she spoke with an intensity that mirrored Nicholson's.
I had hooked up with a few members from the first SA/SAA groups I attended years ago. One hook up was a female, the others male. It was all fucked up. I was told by another member I could attend a different, women-only, meeting to avoid those folks I had fucked, and when I decided to share at that meeting, I spoke about trying to figure out why I was stupid enough to hook up with other SA/SAA members, all of whom had spouses. I could regurgitate some of the words that 12-step groups use when explaining why these hook ups are not healthy, but I had no understanding, no comprehension, of what it truly meant. My ignorance was all tangled up with past abuse and current rationalizations. When I was through sharing, this woman spoke up. She said she was in a monogamous relationship and was sexually sober 8 years.
She was an older lesbian. She let me know I was exactly the kind of person she once got to know outside of meetings, connecting on facebook and getting together for coffee or visits to the zoo or whatever, all under the guise of help, but knowing what would eventually happen. She said until I recognized this kind of behavior for what it was, and learned to remain accountable and honest about those situations, I would always find myself in those situations. She said me saying I was not breaking any vows so I was not doing any harm when I slept with married people was bullshit. She said that every time I ended up in these harmful relationships, I was reinforcing all of the lies I carried in my head. She tried to focus on how much damage this was doing to me, but the sentence that really got to me was when she said that the spouses of people I had fucked would have been hurt by an activity I was choosing to take part in. She said until I drew a line between myself and people in committed relationships, and daily chose not to cross it, I was going to be victimizing others, and letting others victimize me. She said I needed to attend closed groups for women only. She said I needed to decide I would not strike up outside connections with any lesbian members. She said I needed to walk into meetings with the honest intention that I was not going to allow sex to enter into my relationships with those in meetings for sex addiction. She told me I needed to speak those words at every meeting. I needed to say, at every meeting, that I was choosing to not sleep with those in SA/SAA groups I attended. And I needed to understand exactly what that meant. I needed to recognize the minute I was striking up a dangerous friendship. She said if I never did this for myself, every other member would know they could be in a relationship with me that was going to be exciting and titillating and was going to end up in sex that was victimizing and harmful to all involved. She said every member was someone that could, in a moment of weakness, choose to rationalize pursuing the excitement of such a damaging relationship. She said only full honesty, in every moment, was going to keep each member from falling into destructive patterns. She said part of why she was sharing this was because she had caught herself wanting to walk up to me later after the meeting ended, offer to sponsor me, and begin the whole sexually charged, dishonest and harmful pattern of behavior that was the last thing any of us needed. She said that many other members avoid learning such honesty, and that was why so many members ended up damaging each other. She said some people chose to join SA/SAA meetings just to start such damaging relationships. She said I needed to find a female sponsor who had never been attracted to women, and even then, I needed to realize that all the lies I believed could make even those relationships potentially becoming sexual, so I needed to speak up honestly about any such feelings at meetings, because any secrets I kept were going to end in sexual relationships that harmed me and others. She said I might decide to ignore her words, because it was hard work to remain accountable to others. She said truth was hard to live.
She said a shitload of other things. I continue to carry, and more fully understand a lot of truths I learned from this woman. I learned how my adult behavior was reinforcing my warped beliefs from being sexualized as a child. I realized there was no way I could have ever learned all of this when I turned 18, or even in my 20's or 30's, which was why I had been re-exploited so many fucking times. At that meeting, I finally started to gain a bit of the knowledge I needed to protect myself. The way she spoke was so real. I later saw others who said some similar words, but were just saying those words to be able to let other members know that the speaker wanted to fuck them, so I know how truthful words can be used in harmful ways. Which made me realize how humans can rationalize anything, and can appear to be doing the right thing, even while victimizing others. People can be speaking the truth, right in front of others, and be respected by everyone, but continuing to victimize others in the very moments they are speaking the truth. Time plus behavior equals truth. Bullshit always stinks eventually. I learned that repeating the same behavior will always end where that behavior has always ended. And in all of this, the only one I can control is me. I decide to choose honesty. I cannot choose it for anyone else. But I can call bullshit when I see bullshit. Because once in awhile that does help someone else decide to face, and admit their bullshit. In the end, I guess that is part of why 12-step groups can work for people. Speaking truth to bullshit.
I have not felt a need to attend meetings in years. I have friends who attend many of the different 12-step and other types of recovery groups. When honesty is priority, that appears to be when there is the most success.
I have not knowingly hooked up with a partnered person in many years. And by never attending meetings with men, and avoiding lesbian/bi sponsors and friendships outside of meetings, I never hooked up with another member of 12-step groups I attended.
_______________
Hornets' Nest
"Who's gonna hit that hornet's nest?"
Oct 20, 2022, 5:46 AM
In the Dopey podcast, you bring up something that I have heard you mention before. You say you are a codependent, and you mention that you cannot say no to any "lunatic" who approaches you. You say you cannot set boundaries. You also mention how nobody said anything about what was going on when you were with redacted name. Do you believe all this? Is it totally subconscious dishonest rationalization that is going on? Because I think you have to know, at least semi-consciously, that this is all bullshit.
You easily set boundaries with every single person who is on record as trying to call out your inappropriate behavior with young girls for the past 3 decades. You react with a hostile set of words/tone that shuts everyone the hell up. The interview in 2018 with the Guardian, I think it was, is a perfect example of this. A man questioned you about your inappropriate joke that was on your website. You immediately used a vitriolic diatribe that tried to make that man appear to be the predator. Interesting tactic. I've been seeing a lot of that in politics recently. trump uses that technique quite a bit. Blame-shifting, I think it might be called.
Have you seen how you react to anyone who tries to say you are doing something wrong by preying on young girls? You were hostile when somebody asked who your niece was back when she stayed with you. "Back off!" First words outta your mouth, yet a couple sentences later, you make it clear that of course you are always seen around with young girls. Nobody wants to suffer a Maron attack. And nobody ever gives enough of a true shit about broken girls to risk themselves against you for the sake of that broken girl. So, between your hostility, and your ability to twist recovery words around so you can call yourself a codependent, you are left in the clear to go to the very fucking meetings that you damn well know many broken girls are guaranteed to be attending (or draw those broken girls in on social media or by hiring them, etc), prey on those girls under the pretense of helping/hiring them, all while knowing full well when you are ready for your next young girl, the broken girl you purposely went out to find in places you have no business being is going to be easy to call a lunatic, will get the blame for "using" you and you were just "too codependent" to say "no," and you do all of this because you are a predator who uses hostility and blame-shifting to keep anybody from calling you out for what your behavior really is.
You have zero problem with boundaries. You set them all the fucking time. And you buddy up to young broken girls in recovery. Those girls are talked about online in unkind ways. Apparently the ACOA groups will be under attack by you soon, if not already. You have a problem with preying on sexualized girls.
Closed men-only SLAA. That is the truth."
__________
"Heart Stung
Oct 20, 2022, 6:27 AM
Why in the fuck do I hit the fucking hornets' nest? Redacted name's bitten nails.
I am redacted name in 24 years. I am every broken, sexualized, objectified child out there. What are you gonna do? Call me a lunatic slut? Send law enforcement to my door? (🤞!!) Pay someone to kill me? (That last one would remove me from this hellish life men like you created for me, so yeah, I'm quaking in my fuck-me thigh-highs)
You won't ever suffer any other consequences. Nothing is ever going to happen to you. Society, these girl's families, law enforcement, none of them are going to do anything to protect these girls you re-exploit. So I will keep sending emails that speak the truth. Redacted name's bitten-nails hurt my heart more than ANY other fucking goddam thing this hornet's nest can do to me."
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