Blind

 Marc Maron's WTF episode today is excellent. As someone who was born with no left hip joint, hearing Andrew Leland talk about the emotional reactions to "coming out" as a cane user was inciteful, and accurately descriptive.  The reactions of those around him to his impairment, reactions by strangers and loved ones alike, seem to be universal examples of the way humans have evolved to respond to the full range of physical impairments that are part of being human.  WTF Podcast has once again introduced me to a person whose book will be added to my reading list.  Maron is a force in podcasting because of conversations like the one in today's episode.

Up until the last few years, I didn't understand the definition of the word "metaphor."  This may seem ironic, because I have always felt like the best way to explain an unknown concept or experience to others, is by transposing it into a situation that is more commonly understood by others.  Allegories seem to be another example of this, the idea that understanding can be found if one can take a well-known situation or experience, and use that to help others grasp an idea they have no knowledge about, have never lived through or internalized personally.  I am once again getting ready to write metaphorically, and the current WTF episode is the metaphor du jour.  

Andrew Leland has experienced a progressive loss of vision.  His experiences in life have been affected by this impairment.  His success at navigating this impairment has been greatly influenced by how society views such an impairment, and how his own friends and family have chosen to interact with him on his journey.  Hearing him speak about this is very informative, and those who listen receptively to today's podcast will come away with a deeper understanding about this impairment known as blindness.  

Imagine a scenario where Andrew was surrounded by a society, as well as friends and family, who responded to Andrew's impairment in a way that was only harmful to him.  When Andrew was first diagnosed as a teen, imagine if his peers had been allowed to laugh at him, take advantage of his impairment, and blame him for his increasing loss of sight.  There are plenty of people who will actually do this, to those with the impairment known as blindness.  They may monetarily screw a blind person over for financial gain, they might stick a toe in front of a blind person's leg, just to get a laugh out of watching them trip.  They may contort their face into playground insults with tongues sticking out, or flip a blind person off directly in front of that person's eyes, just to get a laugh from others.  They may tell the blind person it's too bad they didn't eat enough carrots, or chose to use certain household products that contain chemicals known to cause blindness, just to try and blame the person who can't see.  Some religious zealots may say the blind person must've done something wrong, must've grievously sinned, to have God strike them with blindness.  They may tell the impaired person to take some supplements, or be glad they aren't dying of cancer.  They may admonish the person to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, and stop playing the victim card.  Andrew Leland has probably experienced human behaviors similar to this.  Thankfully, he was born in a time and place where humans are a bit more enlightened.   His family and friends, as well as the laws regarding safety codes for housing and access to sidewalks and public buildings and stairways and ATM machines, as well as new technology and apps on cell phones, etc., have all given Andrew, and others with varying degrees of this impairment, a better life experience.  A hundred years ago, or a thousand years ago, his life would have been much different.  Humans have an increasing sense of decency toward, and an honoring of the dignity and humanity in, those among us who experience quite a number of differently-abling impairments.  This has started to extend to those who are not neurotypical, and even to those who have experienced certain types of trauma that create symptoms now categorized by varying diagnoses in each new DSM.  

Children who are sexualized, by child sexual abuse, exposure to pornography, trafficking, and the myriad ways a patriarchy sexualizes afab children and imparts misogynistic ideas into all youngsters, are starting off life with an impairment.  Often, this impairment has visible manifestations.  I exhibited sexualized behavior starting around the age of two.  That was an impairment that was going to continue worsening without adult intervention.   The only adult intervention I got came from adults who could exploit my impairment.   I had no way of knowing any of this, at all.  No sexualized child understands anything adults are doing to them.  

The idea that trauma creates "tragic" victims is a narrative that can quickly turn into telling a person they are playing the victim.  This victim-blaming silences people who are being harmed.  Imagine if a blind person, everywhere they went, was being tripped by people sticking a foot out in front of that blind person.  At some point, the blind person may stop, and say "I can't get anywhere because you all keep tripping me."  Imagine if everyone around that person said, "Oh shut up already.  Quit playing the victim.  Stop tripping.  Just do it.  You are causing all your own injuries every time you trip, so simply stop tripping and then blaming everyone else.  You are at fault for all of it, so shut up and live right."  Until those who keep tripping that impaired person are called out, and are no longer allowed to continue harming the impaired person, this cycle will continue, and eventually the blind person will stop trying to move, stop asking for help, stop reaching for anything.  They will hate themselves, they will suffer in silence, and perhaps decide to step in front of some large oncoming vehicle they hear down the road, because there is no other escape from their hell, a hell they have been made to believe is their own creation.  

This is what society does to CSA survivors.  Until their impairment is no longer acceptable to make fun of, take advantage of, and sexually exploit, until they are helped instead of blamed, these CSA survivors will never be safe, will never heal, will never find a way to live out their true potential.  CSA is not some momentary incident of negligible damage, like a paper cut or a broken arm.  The moment a child is sexualized, the person they were meant to be is stolen.  That child will have an impairment they don't comprehend, an impairment predators will be free to exploit unimpeded. That child will lead a life of pain they will blame themselves for, like a blind person standing immobile on a sidewalk, being told they are causing themselves to fall by being too blind to see every foot others are choosing to place in front of them.  CSA creates an impairment.  Society will have to change, if CSA survivors are ever going to receive real healing.

I am thankful that impairments like blindness, like birth defects in hip joints, are handled in a more compassionate way now, and people with a wide variety of impairments can experience safer and fuller lives.  I hope someday the selective blindness of society will clear, and the impairments created by all forms of child sexualization will be handled in a manner that lifts blame off the survivors, places it on those who are currently free to exploit these survivors' impairments, and help these survivors fulfill their fuller potential and live safer lives, so they can finally exist without longing to die.